Why so reckless?

My submission to The Filter Copy, September 2008

“It is legal because I wish it”-Louis XIV.

India seems to be the place where good ideas come to die. The recent progress in the systematic dismantling of India's premier educational institutions proves that however good an idea might be, the Indian government will eventually ensure its demise. Even if that idea is heralded as one of the greatest ever achievements of modern India.

The fifties saw our country making tremendous strides in virtually every field in spite of a chronic shortage of resources, virtually absent infrastructure and abject poverty. India showed the world that self-belief and an audacity to hope was enough to turn tables overnight. West Germany, Singapore, Japan, all ravaged by the war adopted our no holds barred march towards progress inspite of being reduced to near extinction as nation states. Fifty years later we see ourselves left significantly behind. But yet, we had still a few symbols of that ebullient decade which continued to inspire the nation of the potential within. The IITs occupy the highest pedestal in that short list of symbols.

The motives and intentions behind the creation of the IITs are well documented. The achievements of its eventual alumni even more so. They became the shining examples of a society which showed the world that this is how they train their best. It took decades of churning out top-notch professionals before the IITs became a synonym for excellence. And now that they enjoy such prestige on this planet, the Indian government, headed ironically by a distinguished academic, decided that maybe the time has come when they extinguish the last beacon of excellence in Indian Higher Education.

It has been a three pronged approach by the venerable HRD minister. The increase in reservation for students, the opening of a host of new IITs and of course ordering reservation in faculty positions. Bringing social equality has been the official reason. I won’t delve into the widely discussed issue of OBC reservation for students. The other two decisions, I feel have done more damage to the IIT brand.

Let’s begin with the opening of new IITs. Decision to open more premiers engineering institutions. Excellent. Calling them IITs. Short-sightedness. The concept of Brand Dilution may not make sense to the babus of Shaastri Bhawan but it does mean something in the rest of the world. We do not have twelve Stanfords, fifteen Oxfords or twenty two ETHs. The argument is if we have more IITs then we will have more IITians and hence by more hyper intelligent engineers! But IITs don't make people clever. They just provide the finishing touches to people who are already very smart. And I don't know whether people have noticed but we as a race have always faced a shortage of smart people. By having a few more buildings, we won’t end raising the IQ of the people occupying them. It does not work that way, Mr. Singh.

For some reason elitist has become a bad word in this country. Anyone who opposed calling the new institutes IITs are called elitists who want to prevent others from enjoying the facilities of an IIT. Yes, IITs are elitist. That’s because they were meant to be. The irreproducible campus culture would not have been possible if they allowed anybody in. If MIT allowed ten times the people in, would it have remained an attractive option as it is now? Is being the very best something to be looked down upon? Is propagating mediocrity the way ahead? Rather providing the new institutes with the same facilities but a different name would help in creating a new brand altogether which would build its own reputation over time. The gestation period for these new IITs will be quite a few years and in all probability the students passing out would not help in building the IIT brand further.

And will someone please pay attention to the problems faced by the current IITs before establishing half a dozen more? There is a massive crunch in faculty in all the IITs. While the administration is still trying to figure out how to fill the hundreds of vacant posts, we have another 6 adding to the problem. Recruitment of an IIT faculty member is no mean task. The applicants have to go through the strictest of screening procedures before making it as an assistant professor. Makes sense. They are supposed to educate and inspire the brightest set of people. It is difficult for a student to respect his or her teacher, leave alone learn, if the teacher is intellectually deficient and not qualified enough. So where are the teachers going to come from for the new IITs? We know they are not out there waiting. They would have filled up the already vacant posts then. So what is the ingenious plan of the government? My guess is they do not have a plan. You need people who can think when you need a plan and rumors suggest having the capability to think is a criterion for disqualification if you want to work for the HRD ministry.

Let’s come to this tiny issue called infrastructure. Experts believe, but then aren't they always wrong, that to run a world class institute it is a good thing if there are actual classes, labs, machines, hostels present in the campus. When the 'sudden' decision to start enrolment in at least 3 new IITs was taken for the year 2008-09, the IIT admission was taken by surprise. One primary reason was the absence of any form of basic infrastructure at the new venues. Other than the state governments securing the land, they didn't have more than a few old buildings. And as a result the already burdened IITs will have to help incubate one of the new ones. Incubate translates to harboring the students of the new IITs till the actual campus is ready.

IITG began similarly. It had humble beginnings, the reason for its establishment was political but with time it has come up very well. Something similar to the conditions now. But there is a difference between 1994 and 2008. In 1994 the existing IITs were not as plagued by a slew of problems as they are now. And an increase of one to the existing list did not bring Brand Dilution in to the picture. Curiously enough right now a survey of the standard of IITs among students will place IITG at the bottom. So 14 years and huge investments haven't actually brought things at par. This brings us back to the contention that it’s not the facilities and infrastructure of the IITs but the students joining them which is responsible for its pre-eminence. One may increase the number of IITs to a hundred but the number of smart people joining them will remain the same and they will continue to prefer the original five.

Let’s stop for a moment and keep the pessimism aside. If the current administration actually pulls off what the Nehru administration pulled off in the fifties, we all naysayers will look like idiots. Then in a few years we would have over 10 IITs producing brilliant engineers and this decision will be hailed as a masterstroke. So why are be criticizing before the idea has even come to fruition. Is that not blatant negativism and aren't we unconsciously preventing quality education for reaching more people? After giving this notion considerable thought I came to the conclusion that in spite of the possibility of a success, I would not be too hopeful. Why? The reason is this. This government consulted no one, did no preliminary survey, and took no IIT in to confidence before proclaiming this new idea. Already admission to those new IITs has been delayed because of a lack of preparations. So is it reasonable to expect that a government which is so short-sighted while taking a decision will be able to manage to actually execute it? Highly improbable.

Now let’s touch over a more contentious issue. Reservation among faculty positions. Sometimes I wonder what exactly the thought process behind such astounding decisions is. I would give anything to lay my hands on the minutes of the meetings in the HRD Ministry at the end of which they come to conclusions as mentioned above. But something tells me there are no meetings as such or any thought process either. Just a flash in the pan decision to create a flutter in the urban media and buy over specific constituencies which would suit the purposes of the honorable HRD minister.

How does reservation come in to the picture where competence should be the only benchmark is something which has been plaguing the minds for a long time. Has here been any instance where a proficient teacher was not given an opportunity because of his caste? Has there been even a single recorded instance of a professor from a disadvantaged background being sidelined by the administration? Is it viable to sacrifice quality in the name of social up liftment which will effect the minutest of percentages? The answer is not in the affirmative for any of the one above. But in turn it will definitely end up making the faculty slowly become conscious of their identity and before long a sense of division will slowly creep in. A system as proposed will wreck havoc with the academic structure in the IITs. Sample this. In a curriculum heavily dependent on the concept of electives, the strength in the class of a particular faculty member depends on his ability to deliver. Never does a student bother to inquire about his or her background. But a reservation facilitated induction may bring in questions regarding the credibility and aptitude of the individual concerned. So we may actually have brilliant Profs trying to justify their right to be in the institute just because they may be from the weaker sections. The chances of that happening are very remote but if there is even one such case; it would be an indelible blemish on the social fabric of the wonderfully heterogeneous IIT campuses.

Reservations restrict brilliance. It’s an unfortunate byproduct of social engineering. Hence it should be used as a policy not indiscriminately but in specific areas. Our research institutions and defense laboratories have almost 50% reservation and as a result countless posts go unfilled which would otherwise have been taken up by skilled individuals. Unfortunately the achievements of those very institutions leave a lot to be desired. If we want to push the IIT education structure in to the same well, then one would really have to doubt whether the hearts and minds of the country are at the right place. Reservations were incorporated to assimilate various sections. Misuse and overuse has resulted in the opposite. It has created sense of identities where we wanted to dissolve those lines of division.

It is very heartening to see the administration stand up to the government in opposing this draconian step. Inspite of all these regressive steps, it is hope that keeps the chins up in the campus. Hope that the government will realize its follies just at the last moment. Hope that the illustrious alumni will convince the authorities of the perils involved. Hope that the students and the faculty will stand together to uphold the sanctity of the institute. Hope that complete autonomy will be decreed and it will unshackle the IITs from the government’s whims.

Magical Mystery Tour

Yes, I was there.



The Exploration & Production Team (North), Shell Gourami 2008.

30th July, 2008.

11:20 am- 6 :20 pm

One word. Bliss.

Knighted!

This message is issued in public interest.

The call for a revolution under the Iron-man is suspended till further notice.I am sorry Tony.

My views in this post is rendered obsolete due to something which happened in the weekend.

I apologize for my initial naivety.

The Curse of the Blue Agave.

The ring of the phone wakes me up. I get up. The head feels like someone else's. Most probably of the Great Khali. I am wearing my Tshirt. The wrong way. I am wearing my pajamas. The wrong way. My super precious Seiko 21-jewels lay in pieces next to me. My right arm is bruised. My palm punctured by my broken watch. Was I in Mandak? Or Duisburg? Not Siliguri definitely. My thoughts swirled around trying to fix my geographical coordinates. My bunk bed did the trick. Ah, Parmelee. As dazed as a Columbian revolutionary who had his hostages whisked away from under their nose, I carefully climbed down. The phone ring hadn't stopped. Unable to frame coherent sentences, I pick up the phone. There was some good news and some bad news.

The good news was it wasn't mom.
The bad news was it wasn't mom.

Damn Mexicans and their only worthy contribution to the human race.

Three Men on a Boat....of Death.

I have nothing against near death experiences. I have them every four months. As long as they are not too near, I am cool. But I get a little pissed if I am informed in advance that extinction hovered in the vicinity without me being able to do anything about it. Hence the events of last Wednesday left me a little peeved.

Ever since my intern prof mysteriously disappeared and kept in touch through monosyllabic mails, life has been good. In our grief, my lab mate John and me though it would be a good idea if we went fishing Wednesday afternoon. Now when you are fishing in the middle of the week you know your intern has finally taken the right turn. So I readily agreed. So we went off to Douglas lake some miles north of Fort Collins. Offering a soothing view of the Rockies and surrounded by open fields, Douglas lake was the idyllic angler's paradise. When we reached there was just one boat on the lake with the fisherman seemingly asleep. We were to go out on a canoe belonging to John's friend Matt. So it was around 5 in the afternoon when we pushed the tiny canoe into the lake with all of us a little worried about the gathering wind and whether it was a little too strong.

Before things got tough

The next three hours were one of the laziest ever. We slowly rowed around the huge lake enjoying the slowly setting sun. We also happened to catch two huge rainbow trouts too. Now Matt who was pretty good at this told us that its when the sun actually starts setting that we get the best catch. Now during this whole time we had seen not one but two storms slowly approaching from the west and the east. As the whole area was completely open, we could see brilliant flashes of lightning regularly striking somewhere on the western and eastern horizons. By eight when the sun was finally setting both the storms had finally drifted our side. But we were oblivious to the whole thing, excited as we were by the impending deluge of aquatic creatures. As we were admiring a rainbow very close to the shore, a bolt of lightning struck pretty close to where we were. Never a big fan of things which doesn't give me at least a minute to prepare for it, I nonchalantly asked Matt what were the chances of us getting struck by a bolt or two. Both Matt and John laughed and said they have lived in Colorado long enough to know when to be wary of a thunderstorm. I went back to my fishing rod. It started drizzling. Just two minutes later Matt shouted, “get down! Go low!”. Now when one is in the middle of the lake, it is difficult to imagine what we should get low from. Flying fishes? Bullets from the near-by shooting range? I confess I was confused with Matt's exclamations. I looked back to see an equally confused John. We both looked towards Matt who was now lying down at the canoe floor. He whispered, “ I felt static. A lot of it. Didn't you guys hear it?” Simultaneously we noticed his hair were standing kind of erect. Now those of you with a scientific bent of mend will appreciate this. We know that we sometimes get signs where lightning is about to strike. Hair standing on our head, feeling a lot of static energy around you etc etc. Oh wait, thats a coincidence! It took me ten seconds to realize that Uncle Yamraj was near. Another ten seconds of reflection confirmed why. All three of us had these upmarket graphite reinforced fishing rods. Now as luck would have it, graphite conducts electricity pretty well. (Where is a diamond fishing rod when you need one!) So there we were, three idiots, in the middle of a huge lake, during a thunderstorm, pointing three perfect conductors towards the sky. What could possibly go wrong?

Now getting struck by lightning is fine. But being informed a few moments before that you are going to be struck by lightning, is a very different affair indeed. I am sure all of you know that feeling of imminent vaporization. I felt like that piece of sodium which the eight grade chemistry teacher shows around to the class before plunging it in water. The phrase 'sitting ducks' was never more clear to me. Though one part of felt maybe the strike would end up giving me supernatural powers and I could be the next character in Heroes. The worst part was no one knew I was fishing that afternoon. I would undergo a change of state and no one would ever know of it. And even if I survived I would still be in the middle of the damn lake.

That very moment, a bolt of lightning struck right near the shore. Simultaneously our boat swayed sharply to the left. Matt's fishing line was being pulled strongly and it was evident that in the middle of all this melee, we had just caught our biggest fish. Matt, now presented with this conundrum of rowing for his life or getting hold of his fishing line took a quick decision. He chose fish over life. He pulled with all his might and drew the fish close. But then tragedy struck again, the fish turned out to be a huge trout which unnerved Matt further and he let go of the line for a few seconds which was enough for the fish to make its escape. So now we didn't have the fish either and gazillions of electrons could hit us any moment. First thing we did was to stop pointing our fishing rods out and get our wooden oars out. Then the next ten minutes would have done any Onam boatman proud.

On the run

We made it to the shore without getting zapped and packed up the boat in record time and made our way out of there. And we lived to fish another day. Most probably this Wednesday again.

The days final tally

This post is dedicated to Roy Sullivan who survived after being struck by lightning seven times during his career as a park ranger. He finally died after he shot himself over a failed love affair. So the moral of the whole story is you have a better chance with 7 lightning strikes than a woman. May Roy rest in peace. There is another school of thought who believes that a man who could handle seven lightnings but not a woman deserved to die anyway. The reader is free to choose their side.

Changing Loyalties: The Rise of Meta

This is my second post on Meta in 2 months but I have to do it as the new Meta-evangelist. This post might create sharp divisions in the engineering community. If the reader is offended, I am sorry. It was meant to be divisive.

“The hand that rocks the cradle of molten metal, rules the world”- Recent Chinese Proverb.

Summers are good. Not just because I get a chance to continent hop and taste the best ale ever made. Summers mean the time for Hollywood blockbusters. Somehow the best and most hyped movies always get released in the summer. And the ones which win the Oscar, in winter.

Last year's memorable summer was made overtly memorable with Ocean's 13, Die Hard 4, POTC 3, Spiderman 3 and so on. Can anyone forget John Mclain ramming his car into the helicopter at the end of the tunnel. Or Keith Richards playing Papa Sparrow. So when I saw this years line-up I was pretty impressed. Indi was coming back but without his dad. We were being asked not mess with the Zohan. The Guru of Love promised to solve all our problems. A panda was supposed to master the most complex of martial arts. Maxwell Smart showed he is in control. Hancock pissed us off with his attitude. The Joker promised to put a smile on our face. The Hulk was back. A bit greener and definitely more incredible. And of course Tony Stark asked us why we cant have both fear and respect.

But this is not a review of movies. This post is about a declaration. I have finally decided to change loyalties. Let me explain. Of all the comic book super heroes, I always accorded Batman the greatest of respect. He was the one who didn't have any special powers and yet was so cool. And he always got to fight with the best villains. Not even Clooney's disastrous rubber uniform put me off the dark knight. So when Batman Begins showed the world how superhero movies should be made, I had had a satisfied smile on my face. Needless to say the biggest thing this summer for me was the epic battle scheduled between the knight and the Joker. But then suddenly, a certain thing happened. I met Tony Stark.

Now before I go ahead about Tony, let me talk about the metallurgical aspect of the post. Its of course a well known fact that we metallurgists have been discriminated against through ages. We are like the Jews of the engineering world. In spite of having ages (Iron, bronze, etc) named after our creations, we are never accorded the same respect as say, those insignificant chemical engineers. Have any of you heard of any thing called Age of Transport Phenomenon in history? Well, I haven't. Of course we meta boys are waiting patiently for our time. Its not long before the revolution comes when we and the ship builders (Nav-Arc boys, are you listening?) will once gain take over the world. And all non-believers and heretics will head for the blast furnace. Among the Mech community, we will spare only Pota as he knows more meta than all of us combined.

So when I met Tony I realized the revolution is near. Over many decades we metallurgists have always been portrayed as screen villains. Magneto, Metal Sonic, Blacksmith, Dr Alchemy, Composite Superman, Kryptonite man, Metallo, an array of superbly crafted robots with a taste for fine alloys, the list is endless. Just like the stereotyped cunning Jew of of the eighteenth century, we metallurgists have always been shown as connivingly altering carbon concentrations and modifying microstructures and preparing for the world' destruction. So when Tony nonchalantly said,'Yes, I can fly', I realized a historic wrong had finally been corrected. The world finally got her first metallurgist Superhero. On film.

After watching Ironman, I, with a heavy heart, decided its a time for a change. I had to shift form the camp of the Dark knight and become a loyal Ironsmith. He would lead the revolution. He was The One. He had even solved the icing problem which had been bothering us for centuries. While ideally I belong to the Magneto school of thought, I feel this moment belongs to us and we metallurgists cannot be divided on the basis of ideology. So I give out a call to all my brethren. Lets unite under Tony and get back what always belonged to us. The earth for instance. Lets again have ages named after our creations. If you want this decade to be called the Age of 3016 SS, this is our chance.

And as for the rest of you, join us while you can. And those who don't, the remember the furnace is just getting warmed up.

Try Believing This.

Date: 15th June
Time: Sometime in the afternoon
Place: Pine View Falls, Poudre River, Colorado

People screaming: Sayan,Shantanu,Abhay,Narayan,Vikram.
People not screaming: Melissa, the guide.

8401!

Should one celebrate one's 8401 st rotation around the earth's axis?

Well, I have no reason to.

Shaastra 2008- The teaser.

The Publicity Teaser for Shaastra 2008.

It shows a brilliantly choreographed sequence of IITM students forming various images denoting the influence of science and technology over the ages.

The boys responsible for it: Mamme, Moli, Gowri, Nelson, Shanmukh, DAS & Choreo Team.

Narrative penned by kirtika and Voiced by Hypo

Meta 04- A Tribute

There are 2 reasons why I am writing this article. Firstly I have nothing to do. Secondly what is written here needs to be documented urgently or else a crucial aspect of IITM between 2004 and 2009 will be erased from the human memory.

I have always felt that Meta boys in the institute have been underrated by the rest of the student community. While I agree our labs get over in 10 minutes and it takes an inhuman effort on our part not to fail a course, it is not reason enough to doubt the capabilities of a batch. But thankfully Meta-04 has changed that. For ever.

I will avoid an endless rant on how great the batch has been. Rather I have listed below some of the major incidents and achievements. The conclusions can be drawn by the reader. And if it doesn’t match mine then the reader is requested to read it again.

1. We were the first batch to get BTPs allotted to us by the department. Randomly. In our bid not to be outdone, we then attempted to be the first batch to reject BTP allotments. A meeting called up the acting HOD saw no turnout and no one met their allocated Profs as a sign of polite protest. The result: Overturning of decision and Re-allotment. And in cases where it wasn’t done, the student(s) got down their parents to the dean’s office with subtle threats of suicide in view of mental agony.
2. We all began our Meta dream under one of India’s foremost scientists. After heading one of the nuclear plants of the country for a decade and serving the country in multitude of ways he decided to continue his service by teaching Meta first years. But an individual who the US thinks is too dangerous to be given a visa, wasn’t good enough for us. We demanded a change. And we got it.
3. For years have Meta batches been complaining about the P factor in their final year. Countless names have been sacrificed at the annual December massacre. Every year batches proclaim that this is it and they are going to take one final stand. No one ever did and the killings continued reducing the plight of students to an Insti-wide joke. And then P met 04. Already bruised from the BTP allotment scam, P failed all. Except 8. What followed will be called the December Revolution in the future. Cutting across a massive morass of red tape, one of the greatest compilations of anecdotes, proof, data and history took place. A case, which Crane Poole Schmidt would have been proud of, dragged on for days before a specially constituted committee. After an agonizing month, the impossible was achieved. The results were over turned and finally the P was replaced. Meta was never going to be the same again.
4. Even the famous trip to Jamshedpur got rescheduled for the first time ever. In an unprecedented move, it happened in the middle of the semester which earned the students a 2 week holiday from classes.
5. Meta parties reached a new level altogether. What once upon a time used to be limited to MSB 104, doesn’t happen in anything lesser than a full fledged beach resort.
6. A department famous for its students apping in droves saw a mind boggling 2 people going out this year. Interestingly another first has been the BP 1 not being one of those 2. Instead he has decided to drill holes in the ground.
7. One of the curious things which happened which sent shockwaves through the Btech community was the unprecedented conversion of three individuals from Btech to Dual. The Whys and Hows of the incident has never been answered but the batch will always been known as the one where 3 converted to dual.
8. We almost got a course and its end-sem cancelled when one of us exclaimed it was too boring. The lessons were dispensed with immediately and all of us given projects to make life interesting.
9. We made the biggest Amalgam ever possible. Yes. Finally Amalgam, big and success were in the same sentence.
10. Slots were shifted. From morning to afternoon. From afternoon to evening. From 3-2. From 2-1. Labs supposedly happened. Courses were supposedly taken.
11. The batch saw 3 institute secretaries, a host of hostel secretaries, 2 core members, substantial insti sports team members, brilliant thespians, inspirational singers and a political godfather of the institute. Yes they all sat in the same class. Listening to Guha.
12. The comeback of Topa: if there were any comeback stories, this would top them all. A guy who wasn’t seen for 3 years hands out his notes to the rest of the class today. Pure class. Period.

I am sure I have missed out on a multitude of other anecdotes. I do have a bad memory. But what I do remember is there was hardly a boring moment in the last four years. And that’s saying a lot when you have been learning grain boundary movement since eternity. Please inform me if I have missed out on anything substantial and I shall update it.

Here’s raising a toast to Meta 04.

The E Company- Where life is a celebration.

Well here it is finally. The Greatest Ever Wing Video.

Its been Legen......wait for it...... dary!

11 reasons why I shall remember Saarang 2008.

11. The Brilliant Grub at Saarang village. Special mention for Gujrati Thepla & Rajathan Kulfi

10. Waking up daily to Prof Maiyya’s phone calls asking about ticket counts.

9. Getting introduced to a crack of a song ‘Louie Louie’ thanks to spent prelims.

8. Making the wonderfully self indulgent Bacchan LVC.

7. Waking up at 9 30am and realizing am 30 mins late already for my most waited quiz of the year.

6. Watching Mash and Haridoss decimate Stella Maris.

5 .A saarang in which Pota didn’t win anything! (Incidentally he didn’t participate in anything).

4. Successfully executing my dream coordship- India Quiz!

3. Watching Udaan perform.

2. Finally winning something at saarang. That too in the last ever saarang quiz team-up with Nai. Also the record of me, Nai , KV coming second in every quiz together continues.

1. Watching Lucky Ali perform the classics. (That’s one major thing off my bucket list)

Redefining VTOL.

Source: Arun & Team's valiant effort this afternoon at the stadium.

Saddlepoint?

Return of April 2006. With a distinct twist.
I hate these situations.

Placement Tips

The placement season is about to begin. And its time for yet another of my ‘help the fellow beings’ post. So be afraid. Be very afraid.

Now we all know Hollywood movies are immensely popular in the campus. Many a day have passed watching the numerous classics in our dark rooms and then brooding for hours over the brilliant performances we had just witnessed. No doubt, it has had an effect on our personas. Hence one isn’t surprised when some one smartly quotes memorable movie lines in the course of a conversation.

But playtime’s over folks. Most of you will be giving you job interviews in a few weeks. These interviews will be crucial and all of you will be trying to make an impression. But we have to ensure that doesn’t end up with you making a fool of yourself.

One very common fallacy is quoting the Hollywood greats during an interview. As long as they are placed well, its fine. If not, then asta-la-vista to the job, baby!

I, very generously took out time from my busy schedule of visiting ATMs and investing in foreign currencies and compiled a list of probable interview gaffes which might occur if one is in his/her Hollywood mode. Here goes.

Catastrophic Starting Lines.

“Yippe-ki-yay motherfucker!”

“Today, I consider myself the luckiest man in the world”- will not earn brownie points in your first Mckinsey interview

“Ever since I remember, I always wanted to be a gangster”- when asked to tell about yourself.

“Show me the money.”

“Heeere’s Johhny!”- a tad too euphoric a way of entering the interview room.

“Do I make you horny baby?”

During the Interview- The Don’ts

“Frankly dear, I don’t give a damn”- a reply to the question whether you would like to know about your job profile.

“I am big. It’s the courses which got small.”- when asked to explain the low CG.

“You can’t handle the truth!”- on asked why you have applied for a finance job inspite of doing no relevant courses.

“I will have what she’s having”- pointing to the second lady interviewer when asked what pay package you expect.

“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers”- when asked why you expect to get the job.

“ I am going to make him an offer he cant refuse”- when asked how you will convince a prospective client.

“ I love the smell of weed in the morning”- when asked to describe your day.

“The prof always said that the course was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you gonna get.”- when asked to explain the erratic grades.

“I see dead people”- when asked to talk about your talents.

“You are trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?”- in reply to a tough core question.

“You make me want to be a better metallurgist”- During Tata Steel interview.

“They may take my degree but they will never take my freedom”- on why you are a 5/4

“Et cetra et cetra et cetra”- second line when speaking about yourself.

GD blunders

“Attica!Attica!”- an useless GD tactic.

You talking to me?”- in the middle of a tense GD.

“say hello to my little friend”- while waving your resume in front of fellow GD students.

Houston, we have a problem”- the first words out of your mouth in a GD

“First rule in this GD, you don’t talk during this GD.”- irrelevant fight club allegory.

Avoidable exit lines:

“say goodnight to the bad guy”

“I will be back!”

“May the Force be with you”.

“I think this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship.”

Miscellaneos Situations

“I knew it was you_______. You broke my heart. You broke my heart”- to a friend who got the job you wanted.

“Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.”- after going through the Cap One test paper.

“ La-dee-da, la-dee-da”- ending you SOP with this phrase isn’t a good idea.

“just when I thought I was out they pull me back in”- on making it to an unexpected shortlist.

“Hoo-Haa!”- on finally making it to your dream job.

All the best guys!

Ref: http://www.afi.com/Docs/tvevents/pdf/quotes400.pdf

DOWned Spirits.

The recent issue regarding Dow Chemicals has created sharp divisions in the campus. Actually it would be an exaggeration to say divisions. It has taken shape of a face off between one very small but highly vocal anti-Dow campaigners and the rest of the institute who very unfortunately haven’t bothered to speak up loud enough. I belong to the big group who feel Dow should be allowed in the campus. No, I haven’t sold my soul to the devil. Neither am I a right conservative with no solidarity for the people of Bhopal. But I strongly feel preventing Dow from coming to the campus will be a grossly unfair action and might have unfortunate repercussions.

It all started with the innocuous notice about the proposed presentation regarding placement by Dow. Immediately a host of individuals launched a protest regarding how Dow has a number of liabilities regarding the Bhopal tragedy. It also brought out the fact the huge list of litigations pending against the organization throughout the world. They made a fervent demand for Dow to own up responsibilities for its actions and as an addendum said that it would be a travesty if IIT Madras allowed the company to recruit students for then it would give some semblance of legitimacy to Dow.

A lot of water has passed down the polluted Adyar since then. Petitions have been sent around. Discussions were held and numerous damaging media reports published. I personally spoke to the people involved in this and got a clear picture of the whole issue.

The primary argument is that its time the institute has a screening process for recruiting companies. It should start with Dow with clearly documented evidences of corporate negligence. Then the example should be extended to other companies off ill-repute like Halliburton, Lockheed Martin. Some were even suggesting that Tata Motors and Reliance too shouldn’t be spared.

The route adopted by the protestors had its glaring irregularities. While a coordinated campaign for informing students through films and literature is totally acceptable, there were some steps which the engineering student community found shocking. Let’s start with the signature campaign. A majority of the people who signed the petition were from the humanities department. How much thought the students put behind the signature is questionable. I doubt whether they had conferred with the students whom this petition was going to affect directly. Neither did they make any effort to understand how placement works. They read it, and signed it. An attitude many of us feel extremely irresponsible especially when it was an issue which didn’t concern them directly.

The biggest irony of this skewed and ill-conducted signature campaign was its representation before the media. Students were astonished to find themselves reading on rediff and the Telegraph about the ‘growing consensus’ among students from IIT Madras against Dow. Two IIT alumni hold a press conference in Delhi and implore the institutes to blacklist Dow. They also appreciate the growing support fro the students. In the middle of all this the fact had conveniently disappeared that the campaign was supported by smallest of minorities.

Reflections took it upon itself and organized a panel discussion. The anti-Dow campaign managed to emotionalize the issue brilliantly by bringing in victims from Bhopal and other social activists. The discussion was surprisingly ‘moderated’ by a member of the faculty whose bias against Dow was well known. The whole event was high-jacked by the group with the student representative’s arguments getting sarcastic replies. The whole thing was described as “well rounded discussion” while in actuality it seemed like a discussion on the nuclear treaty moderated by Prakash Karat with the audience comprising acknowledging comrades.

Let’s get to the arguments now. Dow has responsibilities. It’s true. When they bought Union Carbide in 1999 fifteen years after the Bhopal tragedy they did inherent the accompanying legal mess. But the very people who are so virulent against Dow are not seen signing petitions against the highly corruption ridden distribution of the relief funds. They are not seen demonstrating before the Madhya Pradesh government why the whole area hadn’t been cleared up inspite of the Union Carbide campus being in their charge. They didn’t bother to question the out of court settlement the government of India reached with Union Carbide. So why the protest against Dow suddenly? Is it because it’s much easier to send out petitions from the cozy confines of IIT Madras than going to Bhopal and asking the more relevant questions to the right people? And isn’t it easier to attract the media this way cause even if a cow poops in inordinate amounts in IIT, the media will be there to cover it.

Dow is the biggest chemical company in the world. There is hardly any hour when we don’t use an item which might be somehow be related to a Dow innovation. Plastics, paint, Styrofoam and rubber products form a major part of it. If one is that indignant about a company’s practices wouldn’t the logical approach be to boycott its products? But then everyone knows it would make life virtually impossible and we come back to the question of doing what is easy and doing what is right.

Once we ban Dow where does the buck stop? The production of napalm by Dow for the US government during the Vietnam war has been used as yet another example of their destructive practices. Hence we ban all companies and organization which have been associated with the war efforts of their individual countries. The list will read GE, Boeing, Dow, LM and virtually every big company from the US. BP, Shell, Volkswagen, Bayer from Europe. And of course all research institutions including our very own electrical and aerospace departments who have consistently collaborated with the Indian armed forces in developing methods of killing countless poor Pakistani soldiers. Does the irony register?

I have to state that the faculties who have supported this cause have shown poor judgment of the placement process and student sentiments. They have placed the placement team in a huge quandary. This team works throughout the year and spares no effort to get the best and the biggest of multinationals from every corner of the world. It is to the credit of the placement office that we have one of the most well-organized placement sessions in the country. The placement committee and the elected representatives were left stranded after the sudden rush of irresponsible media reports. Dow has already begun to show its reluctance to come to IITM. In view of the total absence of any such protest from most of the IITs and the media scrutiny on IITM, the obvious reaction will be to recruit from the other institutes. Hence inspite of an overwhelming opinion in favor of having Dow in the campus, due to the actions of a very few, our students will most probably miss out on an opportunity to work with the biggest chemical company. The argument that if one is really interested to work for Dow, can apply off campus clearly shows how out of touch the faculty in the HS department is with the career sentiments of the engineering students. They have no inkling of the anxieties through which batches go during the placement week and how the only concern is to get a good job as soon as possible. Applying off campus is an indication that one has been rejected in all the on campus interviews. Which student would like to risk that?

These incidents are terrible PR gaffes. They act like prior warnings to other MNCs who would rather stay away from IITM and avoid probable embarrassment. The only one losing out are our students. Dow is setting up a 100 million dollar R&D facility near Pune. If it doesn’t get researchers for that lab from IITM, it will take them from somewhere else. The Indian government who is supposed to fight for Bhopal is going out of its way to ensure Dow invests millions in India. The company is willing to invest millions in research among the cash strapped labs of India. How aware are the people who are protesting of the current state of research in the country. Do they keep track of the abysmal funding and conditions under which our PhDs and professors strive to produce quality work?

Finally this is what it all boils down to. The campus agrees that informing students about a company and its activities is a fair idea. What is not agreed to by a huge majority is the following.

• Petitions led by departments who do not have the real stake in the issue.
• An extremely unfair representation before national media about campus mood.
• Ignorance about placements procedures and student sentiments but interfering in the whole process.
• Lack of consultation with elected student representatives and jeopardizing their year long efforts.
• And the biggest one of them all is judging students from the perspective of their moral high ground.

I was clearly told that the whole thing has come down to whether we choose to show solidarity with the victims from Bhopal or we place our careers above it. Please do not skew the issue by passing such impossible judgments. We are students of science and we keep things in perspective of reality. We know banning Dow from the campus is not going to get any extra relief for the victims. It won’t change anything. We also know that showing true solidarity is not sitting in one’s comfort zone and picking on things which are easy to pick on. Never should one dare doubt our feelings for our countrymen. There are these elements from outside the campus who take this purported moral high ground and mock us for our ‘blind lust after a pay cheque’. I request such negative people to stay on the other side of the main gate. Instead of pontificating before us, please do some actual work which will improve the lives of the affected. And also stop exploiting their miseries.

This is nothing but a throwback to the sixties and seventies where anything associated with the west is evil. The desire for success is considered unnatural. Eyebrows are raised when students vie for the best jobs. Aspiration for a better lifestyle is translated to selfishness and disregard for the fellow being. I would like to request these people to see the real world around them which has drastically changed. We aspire to better our lives. And that means a better India for the future. The world has finally opened its doors to India. We will not miss this opportunity at any cost. And no number of petitions can change that fact.

To the (Honey)Moon & Back

It doesn’t happen Everyday.

I think I am going to value this mail for a long time to come.

Dear Sayan
I am really very pleased that you took so much care to make this work. I was very apprehensive as I know it is not like a live performance but it is better than nothing and it can be ca 80% of one as the powerpoint should come down quite well. In these days of serious concern for the environment I am sure that what we have just done together will have important impact and that many more scientific initiatives of this kind will take place. I am keen to do something specially for you in the future. I am now committed to exploring the way the Internet may become a major medium of science communication and I am most concerned that we explore ways that it can help to develop global citizenship at a time when nationalism and other racially divisive dogmas are rampant. The only nationalism I consider acceptable is on the Cricket pitch and I am delighted that India and Pakistan got to the final. I am pleased you recognised that there is a team involved and that nothing would have been possible without my friends and colleagues Davis Simpson, Steve Acquah and Colin Byfleet and of course my wife who ensured that the logistics at this end were kept under control. Once again thanks for making this happen and I look forward to future collaborations
Best wishes
harry

When Logic Stood Still

Review of the Movie classic Gunda.

Can I review Copolla’s Godfather? Can I re-asses Sgt Pepper? Do I have the audacity to comment on Dali’s later works or give my take on pre-war German expressionist movement? No I cannot. And I wont. There are works of art and then there are works of art. The ones mentioned above fall in the second category. And they are best left untouched by amateurs like me.

So when I was asked to review Gunda, I was in a conundrum. Should I overreach myself and try to accomplish something which hasn’t been ever done before. But I decided to give it a try. Here lies an honest attempt of trying to decipher the most avant garde of bollywood movies which turned film noir on its head and redefined entertainment for ever.

There are two types of people I would put to death the moment dictatorship is handed over to me. The ones who discuss Gunda without having actually seen it. And the ones who have seen and don’t discuss it. But before going to the movie we should begin with the traditional paying of respects to the two stalwarts who have provided solace to the millions of Indians desperate for three hours of escapism. Prabhuji- whom some rascals just call Mithun and Kanti Shah on whom everyone from Tarantino to David Lynch have based their directorial styles. Kantian philosophy is much more profound and populist that that of the highly boring and totally irreverent Immanuel version. It follows a simple path of a congregation of the vilest of men who decide that it would be fun to ravage the life of a guy usually from the lower strata of the society. All goes fine till it is revealed that the protagonist is capable of extraordinary rage and destruction and the movie ends in a cataclysmic showdown. Sounds simple. Doesn’t it? Not when Kanti Shah is in charge and Prabhuji in the lead.

First the facts which separate Gunda from the rest. The movie is in verse. Poetry so insightful and so reflective of our times that one is forced to go back and hear them again just to be sure of what they just heard. A sample,

aaj gundagiri aur netagiri dono eki baap ke do harami aulaad hain.

Har kadam par khoon hai, har kadam par paap, paap karne mein yeh insaan, shaitaan ke bhi baap

I won’t give out the plot. I don’t want fatwas against me. But when you do watch the movie at one point you will realize that things like plot, logic and sense which forms a vital part of normal movies lose their meaning in Gunda. It takes you to a completely different level where you eagerly wait to see to what heights can the screenplay reach and what miracles has the action director have in store for you. The climax is like none other you have ever seen simply for the fact that it consists of countless number of remote controlled auto-rickshaws. Another vital nugget of information I would like to draw your attention to is the way each villain introduces himself. The list goes thus

Lambu Atta – “Deta hoon maut ka chaanta”
Bulla – “Sab karta hoon khullam khulla”
Chutiya “Acche acchon ki khadi karta hoon khatiya”
Pote – “Jo apne baap ke bhi nahi hote”
Ibu Hatela – “Maa meri chudail ki beti, Baap shaitan ka chela, Kyon? Khaayega Kela?”

Many critics have vociferously debated the significance of the reference to bananas in the last quote, but no explanation could conclusively prove anything. But then that’s just one of the numerous references peppering the screenplay.

The acting is top notch. When you have veterans like Shakti Kapoor for whom the role of the hermaphrodite was almost like playing himself in real life. Mukesh Rishi’s portrayal of Bulla is still referred to in the acting schools on the lanes of Byculla. Mohan Joshi, Ishrat Ali and Harish Patel still receive fan mail for their legendary rendering of Pote, Lamboo Ata & Ibu Hatela. And of course I can’t commit blasphemy by trying to comment on Prabhuji’s work. Prabhuji yet again proved that Rajnikanth isn’t the sole authority on logic defying stunts and mind boggling sudden assortments of rocket launchers and hordes of white ambassadors.

Now the final section is for people who have already seen Gunda. My suggestion: Watch it again. This time try to grasp the underlying vivid imagery and only then you will realize the magnitude of Kantian philosophy. Gunda is nothing but a brilliant satire on the turbulent nineties. “Rakhta hoon Khulam Khulla” is nothing but an allusion to the open market economics. Chutiya’s crave for ‘Sex ki Goliya from London’ is a subtle jab at the advent of the MTV-Channel V nexus propagating social immorality. Pote who proudly claims to not care for his father even is a brilliant portrait of the wanton violence carving mobs from Ayodhya. Each and every character is but an image of the various facets of the nineties.

So come on, join the cult. Trust me, you will define your life into two sections, the naïve pre-Gunda years and the significantly illuminated post-Gunda years.

* I am eternally indebted to Arnab Ray(Greatbong) for introducing me to this classic. His analysis of each aspect of the movie has helped me write this review. Please visit his website greatbong.net for a more detailed review of the movie.