Curb Your Ambition

A year back, I ventured into unchartered territories and made some bold predictions on how world events would be playing out in 2011. The seminal piece was completely ignored by the elitist western media which seemed to prefer ‘experts’ with a penchant for esoteric and speculative musings. Extremely disappointed with this rejection and appalled to see how PhDs and actual knowledge is being passed off as basis for expertise, I refrained from writing any more authoritative treatise on how the Arab Spring would play out. It turns out that was a very wise decision as I got most of my predictions wrong.

Last time when I commented on the Middle East, the Arab Spring had just been underway. Tunisia’s Ben Ali had flown the coop with all the gold he could lay his hand on and Egypt’s Mubarak was flirting with the idea of protesting the protests by unleashing deadly camels on the unsuspecting folks at Tahrir Square. It was business as usual in the rest of the region. Gaddafi was trolling Facebook looking for more pictures of Condoleeza Rice. The only promise Abdullah Saleh of Yemen was making was to his family that the next vacation would definitely not be in Socotra again. The only tanks Syria’s Assad was ordering were while playing Risk with his brother Maher. I had predicted that the Egyptian army would ease Mubarak out and control the country through a puppet president. As the consequent events proved, I was way off. In a stunning nod to the environmental lobby, the Egyptian army decided to take control on their own eliminating all the paperwork usually associated with installing puppet regimes. I had conjectured that Mubarak would be exiled. That almost happened except that it didn’t and he was jailed and made to stand trial while lying on a bed. I have to apologize for not having seen this coming. I come from a country where misuse of power usually makes you eligible to be the president of BCCI or the Congress Party or even the Indian Republic.

It’s a miracle I didn’t bet my money on Gadaffi’s survival. Given the opportunity, I surely would have. But apparently Libyans don’t share my enthusiasm for dictators with great bed-sheets which double up as commanding outfits for state visits. Tyranny and brutal repression is but a small price to pay if your dear leader has great taste in east European nurses. I think the UN played it beautifully by lulling Gadaffi into a false sense of security by being a mute observer to world events for 66 years and just when Brother Leader thought he could remodel Benghazi, down came the gavel on Resolution 1970 . A mandate so generous in its wording that NATO could use it to even block Bieber videos on YouTube saying it would save valuable Libyan lives. That was not the only bad decision he made in 2011. His recruitment policy of hiring half-emaciated mercenaries from Mali and Niger by telling them that all they had to do was gentle target practice on civilians back-fired when the new employees rose in protest pointing out that their contract didn’t include facing bunker busters which the NATO jets had started raining down on them. But all these tactical missteps could have been overlooked if only he had gracefully exited the stage at the appropriate time and spent the rest of his life in the care of his nurses and body-guards in any of the myriad tin pot African states whose dictators were willing to play host. The Greeks would have diverted the world’s attention like they always do every two months and the great dictator could have passed the rest of his days watching Seinfeld re-runs. Instead he chose fame in the viral videos circuit and decided to run into a sewer. Even in the best of times, experts have unanimously concluded that running into sewage has its disadvantages. However Gadaffi’s surprised look after being caught indicated that he perhaps didn’t account for any of them in his plans.

What Gaddafi lacked in luck and expediency, Saleh of Yemen made up for it in more ways than one. Every time it seemed that the game was up for Saleh, he managed to put up an elaborate show on how he would immediately leave only if the over eager mob gave him at least time to pack his essentials. And as soon as everything cooled down, he usually attempted to get back to business as usual as if the whole revolution business was just about a few people venting their disapproval about his dietary habits. Needless to say this incessant flip-flopping only made the population rebel with greater ferocity each time. Even when a bomb went off next to him in his palace and left him recuperating in Saudi Arabia for a few months, he managed to return to Sana’a undeterred and reclaimed power, also winning the Alec Baldwin 2011 Brass Balls Award in the process. However in spite of his swagger and aggressive posturing he knew if he didn’t let go, he too would meet his sewer maker. In politics, timing is everything and Saleh bid Yemen good bye when the state of affairs was just one straw away from inconveniencing the proverbial camel’s back.

That brings us to Syria, previously famous for inspiring the names for movies about fictitious Arab countries. Events in this country have finally answered the age old question, how much damage can someone who looks like a ventriloquist’s doll actually cause? A pertinent question which unfortunately President Assad has answered with vigor usually associated with Bond villains. He made his disdain for peaceful protests known by unleashing his tanks making Tiananmen Square look like Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. The doyens of the global liberal movement have written numerous editorials severely critiquing the double standards of the West for not being as proactive about stopping the Syrian government’s atrocities. Some have gone even so far as to pin down the reason on the fact that Libya received the special attention of Patriot missiles and Euro fighters just because of the abundance of some obscure commodity experts are calling crude oil. And as Syria doesn’t have much to offer to the world market apart from hummus and falafel, the West has allowed the Arab League to try and resolve the morally and ethically complex issue of one megalomaniac trying to hold on to power by killing a lot of people. When I first heard of an organization of Arab countries dedicated to regional peace, I mistakenly assumed it to be about some little known Monty Python sketch and spent a lot of futile hours on YouTube looking for it. But apparently it’s as real as the erstwhile League of Nations and reportedly almost as effective. Unfortunately in spite the League’s best efforts, the crises in Syria continued to take a heavy toll in terms of lives and property. Who knew that battering the Syrian landscape with laser-guided requests for restraint wouldn’t have much effect on the Assad regime. Even when the West tried to scare Assad with a deadly condemnation letter from the Security Council, they got cockblocked by the poster boys of democracy, the Chinese and the Russians. The obviously well-intentioned Chinese & Russians are convinced that Assad is just a misunderstood leader and as soon as he coaxes the disgruntled citizens into death, all will be fine.

Assad has given numerous indications that he has more of Gaddafi’s delusional streak in him rather than Saleh’s pragmatism. In all probability there is a sewer somewhere in Damascus receiving a fresh coat of paint and getting readied to welcome an esteemed guest. I guess it will start in the usual way where some of the influential behind-the-scene players will switch sides and before you know it, the great erstwhile dictator will be scrambling to keep his vital organs in place. This whole Arab spring has brought out a few important lessons for all those people despairing about what they want to do in life. Appearances may suggest that a career in tyranny and despotism is great. The hours are good and the perks usually involve a decent access to the better restaurants in town. But it’s better to aspire for the middle and near-the-top ranks in the regime rather than be a part of the inner circle of the dear leader or be the dear leader himself. Relinquishing the glamorous positions will afford you the opportunity to induce a moral epiphany at an ideal point in any future rebellion and help you choose the winning side before it is too late. If you don’t believe in this train of thought, just ask the poor souls in Egypt and Libya. They are still trying to understand how a post-tyrant life is so eerily more of the same, how the faces have changed but the diktats remain the same and how terribly fickle the attention span of the world is. So all aspiring tyrants who also want a secure career, curb your ambition. Just a little bit.

April's Fools.

April sucked. I was ill. I stopped moving about. Metals stopped corroding mysteriously which had an unfortunate effect on my workload. The Greeks stuffed me. Apparently giving birth to the Western civilization also gives you the right to destroy it. But in the midst of all the wretchedness I found solace in two things. Cognitive therapy and the newspaper. While I need not elaborate on the former for the time being, I am all too keen to share why I have chosen Schadenfreude as the word of the month. Never before has the newspapers carried such uplifting news which provided the much needed comfort that there are people out there who are having a more terrible year.

Blank-fined!

The only reason I hate Goldman Sachs is because I don’t work for them yet. One of my ambitions includes working for five evil corporations in my lifetime. I don’t think I have worked for any yet though I don’t know whether the students’ executive committee at IITM counts. GS has had a series of bad press this year. With billions of dollars of bonuses, audacious hiding of Greece’s debts and of course the recent civil suit from the Securities & Exchange Commission, GS is being blamed for everything and anything. Being the most successful bank to come out of the recession unscathed has its pitfalls. Anyone who has browsed through the details of the SEC case would be wonder struck. Let me try and put it in a simple format.

• Hedge fund designs financial instrument designed to fail
• GS sells the instrument to their clients
• Hedge fund bets against the very financial instrument it has created.
• GS doesn’t inform clients that the hedge fund is betting against the system.
• Hedge fund makes 1billion dollars.

The dazzling brilliance of the whole law suit is that according to the shockingly lax regulations, the hedge fund hasn’t done anything illegal. GS’s only fault was not to inform their clients about the position of the hedge fund. This suit has set off a chain reaction of events which has slowly made it clear that investment banks have moved away from their primary duty of transferring capital to where it is required to creating sophisticated gambling systems. I will refrain from turning this into a diatribe against the financial sector and its inability to grasp long term vision. That job has been accomplished exceedingly well by Matt Taibbi here. I don’t recall any description of any organization more brutal than how Mat has described GS.

The first thing you need to know about Goldman Sachs is that it's everywhere. The world's most powerful investment bank is a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money.

I always assumed these GS folks to be super-smart but I was disappointed to see that they have left an email trail of their shenanigans which led the senators and media scrambling to crucify them. Fabrice Tourre, whose exploits brought about the SEC suit, was so full of himself after creating the financial instrument that he couldn’t hide his glee in a mail to his girlfriend where he called the deal ‘shitty’ and called his work ‘intellectual masturbation’. If only he had acted upon his feeble conscious attack. On a completely different note, I would love to know if there is a study on how many gifted crooks did themselves in while bragging to women.

Of course the naive among us will assume that this series of law suits is just the beginning of holding the bankers responsible for the recession. These suits are a decently clever approach taken by the Obama administration to force the US senate to push through the financial regulations bill. If anybody is expecting GS to go into a decline, they need to be pinched back to reality. But for now, it’s just great reading the papers about GS executives scurrying to save their skin and seeing Lloyd Blankfien fumble on TV.

Statutory Warning: 140 characters can ruin you.

Lalit Modi. The man who got tweeted out of a multi-billion dollar enterprise built by himself. One has to admit that the whole incident is hilarious if not downright stupid. No matter how clever, suave, well-connected, rich and indispensible one may be, there are two things which can destroy any man in a matter of days. A woman and the ego. I am still struggling to understand where Tharoor erred. Did he break any law by charging a hefty fee for helping out a consortium to bag the deal? I do agree he was incredibly stupid to have left such an obvious paper trail. Just for that he should have been fired. If a minister sucks even at hiding his wealth, then he has no business running the affairs of the nation. Indians have no patience for such incompetence. So what if he has done more for India’s relations with African and Latin American nations than any administration before.

Tehelka has a brilliantly done article about what situation led to the huge fracas. While the article makes insinuations against people as untouchable as Sachin and Sunil Gavaskar without citing concrete sources, it’s a tremendous read. And frankly in such frivolous issues I don’t mind admitting I prefer ‘news’ reports which are more suggestive and scandalous rather than drab and colourless one may encounter in the national newspaper of India.

There are a few interesting lessons we can draw from the event. They are nothing new but this whole row has brought it out more beautifully than other scams have. Power and influence is illusory when you do not have seats in the parliament to back it up. Case in point, Mr Pawar continues to play around with food prices while Mr Modi is looking up the yellow pages for names of lawyers who will exploit him further. Politicians still call the shots in this country, economic liberalization notwithstanding. Modi thought the combined backing of Ambani, Mallya and Wadia would save his skin being oblivious to the fact that unlike the Indian public the industry captains can identify with effortless ease whether an issue is inconsequential and when to choose their fights. Modi had started believing the papers which hailed him as an unconquerable foe who had trounced the home ministry, Subhas Chandra, BCCI, ICC, ECB, Sony. He never realized that at the end of the day the only thing which matters is how much of that famed power could make a difference on the floor of the Parliament.

The Androgynous Swami.

This case was kind of unexpected. When I heard that this Swami who has a thing for cross-dressing, was running what can only be described as a training facility for sexually liberated individuals, near Bangalore, I was very disappointed with myself. I considered this a huge intelligence failure on my behalf and berated all my contacts for having failed to have informed me about the existence of such a guild so near to where I stay. But enough about my discontent.

Let’s be frank. While outwardly all single and a few not-so-single men may have been hypocritically denouncing this sect, they would all have signed on to that infamous ‘contract’ in a heartbeat. The absurdity of the incident stems from the fact that the video was released by a woman who was jealous of Cool Dude Nitya’s proximity to this Tamil actress. Now why would some women vie for the affections of an androgynous Swami is mysterious. I have dealt with this topic at length in my upcoming book ‘Why women never seldom fall for smart and witty men. A true Story’.

I however loved how the newspapers dealt with his eventual arrest in Himachal Pradesh. The headline screamed that the three cameras were found with him!! Oh the horror! Three cameras mind you. How despicable and vile would a man have to be to be found with three cameras? He should be impaled in front of Majestic Bus Stand.
While everyone was trying their best to recover from this sordid act, Nitya came up with the gem of an ironclad defence that he/she is a woman and hence by all sexual impropriety suits filed against him are null and void. If this approach is legal, I shudder to think what my female stalkers may be up to. (Yes, therapy woman, I am talking about you. Leave me alone!)I wonder how the conversation may have gone between Nitya and his lawyer before he sprung this defence on the police.

Lawyer: Hey Nitz, you are screwed man.
Nitya: Hmm.....I agree this is a pickle but I have a cunning plan.
Lawyer: Not again.
Nitya: What if I play the victimized woman card.
Lawyer: But you are not a woman....
Nitya: That’s a mere technicality. I will just announce I am. Call me Nitu from now on. It will help me get into character.

The Eyjafjallajökull Conundrum.

Iceland needs to come closer to the Equator. No one pays much attention to them as they are so far away and then they end up doing silly stuff just to get our attention. First it was bankrupting their national bank and initiating the financial crises in Europe and now there’s this volcano with an identity crisis. After all those Hollywood movies dealing with worldwide apocalypse if there’s anything we have learnt it’s that stuff have to go wrong simultaneously at every corner of the world for things to shut down indefinitely. Also the thing needs to be predicted by a renegade scientist/ ancient civilization. None of these cardinal rules were followed before Eyjafjallajökull went kaput.

Iceland needs to get over the fact that world doesn’t think too much of them. I agree nothing much has happened on that island after Bobby Fischer kicked Spassky’s ass and Ronald Reagan slipped a Mickey in Gorbachev’s drink and made him sign a nuclear disarmament treaty. But is shutting down air traffic all over Europe the best idea you people could come up with? Ands what’s with this consonant fetish? Eyjafjallajökull? Really? Kindly get rid of this consonant diarrhoea if you want the world to take you more seriously. But it was amusing to see how much damage just one volcano, somewhere on the fringes of civilization could do. Very humbling.

Only in America- The Impossible Story of Barack Obama

The following was my submission to the November issue of the Filter Copy.

“America is too great for small dreams”-Ronald Reagan

As a country America continues to inspire and confound the global community. After eight years of Bush’s de-facto war on anything Islamic and irresponsible economic policies, America might just elect a young black man as their next president whose middle name happens to be Hussein. The global community does not ask whether Barack Obama will be the next president of USA. Rather everyone asks whether USA will let Obama become president as if when we keep prejudices aside, the presidency is Obama’s birthright. Never since the Kennedy campaign has any individual energized the American population in such a manner and the impossible- America regaining the respect and credibility it had before Bush- looks a distinct if not a sure possibility in event of an Obama presidency.

It all started in 2004 at the annointation of John Kerry in the Democratic National Convention. A relatively unknown junior senator from the state of Illinois was asked to deliver the key-note address. The oratory, charisma and style displayed by Barack almost shifted focus from Kerry himself. Political pundits and observers, who were already cynical about the stumbling Kerry campaign, proclaimed Obama as the new boy wonder and predicted a great future. No one then expected him to clinch the nomination just four years later. It would have been just too early. And of course Hillary Clinton’s name had already started doing the rounds for 2008 and a black first time senator stopping the Clinton juggernaut was too farcical to even imagine. But the die had been cast a bit before 2004. In 2003 when Bush laid his plans to attack Iraq before the country, the populace was sharply divided and in retrospect Obama chose the right side. Hillary supported it. McCain vociferously supported it. Obama did not. This foresight put Obama and his sense of judgment several notches above all other more qualified candidates and proved to be his primary way of distinguishing himself from the rest four years later.

Obama is not the first black politician who gained prominence on the national stage and nor is he the first one with sights on the White House. In recent years Rev Jesse Jackson and Rev Al Sharpton have tried and lost. Colin Powell fiddled with the idea before accepting the Secretary of State carrot. And there have been a half a dozen other before them. But Obama’s candidacy has been very different from all previous one for he has successfully avoided the death trap of all black leaders- being type cast as a leader of the African-Americans. Obama ensured that none of his actions or efforts would be painted as being community specific. He went out of his way to court the whites and the Hispanics and chided any voice from within his own community who asked him to focus his attention only on his people. Speeches where he literally scolded black fathers for not being responsible enough about their parental duties may have made him seem patronizing but brought him closer to the whites who felt that there was no bias or any sense of historical prejudice in him. Obama never came across as one out to right the wrongs of the past on behalf of his community.

The biggest asset which caused Obama’s meteoric rise is his oratory. In a short span of 5-6 years Obama has left behind himself a slew of tremendous speeches which will continue to inspire generations. Whether it’s his key-note address in 2004 or his candidacy proclamation on the historic steps of the Old State Capitol in Springfield, he has held his audience in total rapture by his deft use of words and statesman like body language. He has made a habit of coming out of very tight spots with speeches of remarkable clarity, honesty and forthrightness. Let’s take the Jeremiah Wright issue as an example. In the middle of his historic fight with Hillary Clinton, videos of his pastor Jeremiah Wright surfaced condemning America and her policies. The event had all the ingredients to ensure an early end to Obama’s campaign. Here was a black pastor denouncing the country and the whites and Barack didn’t even utter a single word of condemnation. Showing amazing boldness, Obama refused to condemn the man and in turn came out with one of the most unforgettable speeches in recent American history. He dealt with the race relations in the US and how he views it through the prism of his unique background of having a white mother and a black father.
Obama’s fight for the democratic nomination was a much more complex and difficult affair than his current run for presidency. Hillary Clinton had been fashioning herself as the next president of the United States for quite a while. Here actions since becoming a senator all indicated where her ambitions lay. And the democrats were not sad about it. In the middle of the horrendous Bush years, the Clinton brand rose in its net worth. Democrats repeatedly got nostalgic about the prosperous Clinton years and were getting ready to nominate Hillary even if it meant Bill Clinton would wield powers again but by proxy. Quite a few expected Obama to run too. But it was supposed to be a dry run for a more serious attempt four years later. After all he had spent just four years in the senate and was the least experienced when compared to the seven other candidates. So when he announced his candidacy at the very place Abraham Lincoln had given his ‘House Divided’ speech, he had started out as the classic underdog.

The initial arrogance of the Clinton campaign helped Obama to quietly put his plan his place. He was already very popular among the democratic voters for his unique background and ability to inspire. He publicly refused to take donations from any lobbyists and interests groups and said his campaign would run only on the generosity of the individual donors. This unprecedented step endeared Obama towards the middle class in particular and the money flowed in. Just on the basis of very small amounts from individual donors Obama managed to raise 35m dollars in his first month. For the record that juggernaut had continued to roll since then and he raised 150m dollars last month, a record. A steady source of money proved to be a big boon for the campaign and it also gave early indications that people were considering Obama more seriously as president than the experts would like to believe. 2007 saw one debate after another among all the candidates. Obama held his own in all of them but made no significant dent in Hillary’s popularity. National polls showed Hillary with a seemingly unbeatable lead over Obama. The main issues hampering Obama were the facts that he was less experienced and absolutely no one believed that in spite of his popularity he could ever stop the Clinton monster truck. Then Iowa happened.
The Iowa caucus was the first event in the Democratic primaries and it happened on 3rd January, 2008. Obama scored an emphatic win, followed by John Edwards with Hillary a poor third. These results changed the course of the whole race. The Obama campaign proudly proclaimed that they had proved everyone wrong by actually showing that they can win and that too in such a resounding manner. Somehow the fact that Obama can win projected him in a very different light. All this while he was this brilliant leader who could sway the masses but was not equipped to stop much more formidable and experienced opponents. That myth lay in pieces and the nation rallied behind him in an instant. His numbers started climbing in the national polls and was within striking distance of Hillary. The Clinton campaign, rattled by Iowa finally realized the brilliance of Obama’s grassroots tactics and how he had reached out to so many people in such an effective manner.

Then started the most fascinating primary race USA had ever seen. It was undoubtedly more gripping than the eventual presidential race itself as Obama clinched one victory after another with Clinton barely managing to keep up. The Clinton campaign kept claiming that on Super Tuesday when 22 states would have their primaries together, Hillary would wrap up the nomination belying any initial gain made by Obama. But that didn’t happen. Obama’s new found ability to win propelled him to surpass Clinton on Super Tuesday too. This was the last straw and from then on it was just a count till when Clinton would feel it is no longer possible to clinch the nomination. Sensing the sudden change in fortunes, noted democrats made a beeline for Obama leaving Clinton further in the lurch.

The presidential race have seen a much more mellow and cautious Obama. The race has since been more characterized by the McCain campaigns gaffes and Sarah Palin’s comedic rhetoric than anything else. Obama’s conduct and campaign has been so proper that the infamous Republican propaganda campaign could find absolutely nothing from his history to attack him with. In all the three debates with McCain he came out as a calm, collected and person keen on bridging divisions. He refuted his own liberal credentials by adopting a more central path on key issues like gun control, abortion and gay rights hency by ensuring the conservatives do not fear his presidency. Obama’s performance as a first time senator may not have been amazing but he was always found at the right place at the right time. Whether it is framing bills on climate change and nuclear terrorism or supporting checks on federal spending, he had smartly positioned himself as a leader with a sense of acute awareness of all the important issues. He has also managed to successfully dent McCain’s foreign policy and security credentials by insisting repeatedly that security will always be top priority for him and by crafting bills for the welfare of the armed forces.

The story of Barack Obama has been fascinating and that made him a darling of the press. The media had a good hand in creating the perception of Obama as a new-age prophet who has come to rescue the country from a terrible morass of insecurity and economic downturn. If current national polls are anything to go by Obama should cruise to a comfortable victory. The world is waiting with bated breath for the results of this extraordinary election and is wondering whether America can yet again prove to the world that it continues to be the land of opportunity in spite of being on the brink of losing its sole super power status. Barack Obama knows that a story like his is possible only in the United States and does not shy away from reiterating it again and again. His ways of reaching out to all sections and striving for unity has involved the whole population in a political process they had begun to lose faith in. No one is expecting dramatic changes in their lives and neither does Obama’s record as a senator show him as one who would change things forever. But people do believe Obama is the only one in the current vitiated atmosphere who can try and brig the USA back to a standing it enjoyed in the pre-Bush years.

Why so reckless?

My submission to The Filter Copy, September 2008

“It is legal because I wish it”-Louis XIV.

India seems to be the place where good ideas come to die. The recent progress in the systematic dismantling of India's premier educational institutions proves that however good an idea might be, the Indian government will eventually ensure its demise. Even if that idea is heralded as one of the greatest ever achievements of modern India.

The fifties saw our country making tremendous strides in virtually every field in spite of a chronic shortage of resources, virtually absent infrastructure and abject poverty. India showed the world that self-belief and an audacity to hope was enough to turn tables overnight. West Germany, Singapore, Japan, all ravaged by the war adopted our no holds barred march towards progress inspite of being reduced to near extinction as nation states. Fifty years later we see ourselves left significantly behind. But yet, we had still a few symbols of that ebullient decade which continued to inspire the nation of the potential within. The IITs occupy the highest pedestal in that short list of symbols.

The motives and intentions behind the creation of the IITs are well documented. The achievements of its eventual alumni even more so. They became the shining examples of a society which showed the world that this is how they train their best. It took decades of churning out top-notch professionals before the IITs became a synonym for excellence. And now that they enjoy such prestige on this planet, the Indian government, headed ironically by a distinguished academic, decided that maybe the time has come when they extinguish the last beacon of excellence in Indian Higher Education.

It has been a three pronged approach by the venerable HRD minister. The increase in reservation for students, the opening of a host of new IITs and of course ordering reservation in faculty positions. Bringing social equality has been the official reason. I won’t delve into the widely discussed issue of OBC reservation for students. The other two decisions, I feel have done more damage to the IIT brand.

Let’s begin with the opening of new IITs. Decision to open more premiers engineering institutions. Excellent. Calling them IITs. Short-sightedness. The concept of Brand Dilution may not make sense to the babus of Shaastri Bhawan but it does mean something in the rest of the world. We do not have twelve Stanfords, fifteen Oxfords or twenty two ETHs. The argument is if we have more IITs then we will have more IITians and hence by more hyper intelligent engineers! But IITs don't make people clever. They just provide the finishing touches to people who are already very smart. And I don't know whether people have noticed but we as a race have always faced a shortage of smart people. By having a few more buildings, we won’t end raising the IQ of the people occupying them. It does not work that way, Mr. Singh.

For some reason elitist has become a bad word in this country. Anyone who opposed calling the new institutes IITs are called elitists who want to prevent others from enjoying the facilities of an IIT. Yes, IITs are elitist. That’s because they were meant to be. The irreproducible campus culture would not have been possible if they allowed anybody in. If MIT allowed ten times the people in, would it have remained an attractive option as it is now? Is being the very best something to be looked down upon? Is propagating mediocrity the way ahead? Rather providing the new institutes with the same facilities but a different name would help in creating a new brand altogether which would build its own reputation over time. The gestation period for these new IITs will be quite a few years and in all probability the students passing out would not help in building the IIT brand further.

And will someone please pay attention to the problems faced by the current IITs before establishing half a dozen more? There is a massive crunch in faculty in all the IITs. While the administration is still trying to figure out how to fill the hundreds of vacant posts, we have another 6 adding to the problem. Recruitment of an IIT faculty member is no mean task. The applicants have to go through the strictest of screening procedures before making it as an assistant professor. Makes sense. They are supposed to educate and inspire the brightest set of people. It is difficult for a student to respect his or her teacher, leave alone learn, if the teacher is intellectually deficient and not qualified enough. So where are the teachers going to come from for the new IITs? We know they are not out there waiting. They would have filled up the already vacant posts then. So what is the ingenious plan of the government? My guess is they do not have a plan. You need people who can think when you need a plan and rumors suggest having the capability to think is a criterion for disqualification if you want to work for the HRD ministry.

Let’s come to this tiny issue called infrastructure. Experts believe, but then aren't they always wrong, that to run a world class institute it is a good thing if there are actual classes, labs, machines, hostels present in the campus. When the 'sudden' decision to start enrolment in at least 3 new IITs was taken for the year 2008-09, the IIT admission was taken by surprise. One primary reason was the absence of any form of basic infrastructure at the new venues. Other than the state governments securing the land, they didn't have more than a few old buildings. And as a result the already burdened IITs will have to help incubate one of the new ones. Incubate translates to harboring the students of the new IITs till the actual campus is ready.

IITG began similarly. It had humble beginnings, the reason for its establishment was political but with time it has come up very well. Something similar to the conditions now. But there is a difference between 1994 and 2008. In 1994 the existing IITs were not as plagued by a slew of problems as they are now. And an increase of one to the existing list did not bring Brand Dilution in to the picture. Curiously enough right now a survey of the standard of IITs among students will place IITG at the bottom. So 14 years and huge investments haven't actually brought things at par. This brings us back to the contention that it’s not the facilities and infrastructure of the IITs but the students joining them which is responsible for its pre-eminence. One may increase the number of IITs to a hundred but the number of smart people joining them will remain the same and they will continue to prefer the original five.

Let’s stop for a moment and keep the pessimism aside. If the current administration actually pulls off what the Nehru administration pulled off in the fifties, we all naysayers will look like idiots. Then in a few years we would have over 10 IITs producing brilliant engineers and this decision will be hailed as a masterstroke. So why are be criticizing before the idea has even come to fruition. Is that not blatant negativism and aren't we unconsciously preventing quality education for reaching more people? After giving this notion considerable thought I came to the conclusion that in spite of the possibility of a success, I would not be too hopeful. Why? The reason is this. This government consulted no one, did no preliminary survey, and took no IIT in to confidence before proclaiming this new idea. Already admission to those new IITs has been delayed because of a lack of preparations. So is it reasonable to expect that a government which is so short-sighted while taking a decision will be able to manage to actually execute it? Highly improbable.

Now let’s touch over a more contentious issue. Reservation among faculty positions. Sometimes I wonder what exactly the thought process behind such astounding decisions is. I would give anything to lay my hands on the minutes of the meetings in the HRD Ministry at the end of which they come to conclusions as mentioned above. But something tells me there are no meetings as such or any thought process either. Just a flash in the pan decision to create a flutter in the urban media and buy over specific constituencies which would suit the purposes of the honorable HRD minister.

How does reservation come in to the picture where competence should be the only benchmark is something which has been plaguing the minds for a long time. Has here been any instance where a proficient teacher was not given an opportunity because of his caste? Has there been even a single recorded instance of a professor from a disadvantaged background being sidelined by the administration? Is it viable to sacrifice quality in the name of social up liftment which will effect the minutest of percentages? The answer is not in the affirmative for any of the one above. But in turn it will definitely end up making the faculty slowly become conscious of their identity and before long a sense of division will slowly creep in. A system as proposed will wreck havoc with the academic structure in the IITs. Sample this. In a curriculum heavily dependent on the concept of electives, the strength in the class of a particular faculty member depends on his ability to deliver. Never does a student bother to inquire about his or her background. But a reservation facilitated induction may bring in questions regarding the credibility and aptitude of the individual concerned. So we may actually have brilliant Profs trying to justify their right to be in the institute just because they may be from the weaker sections. The chances of that happening are very remote but if there is even one such case; it would be an indelible blemish on the social fabric of the wonderfully heterogeneous IIT campuses.

Reservations restrict brilliance. It’s an unfortunate byproduct of social engineering. Hence it should be used as a policy not indiscriminately but in specific areas. Our research institutions and defense laboratories have almost 50% reservation and as a result countless posts go unfilled which would otherwise have been taken up by skilled individuals. Unfortunately the achievements of those very institutions leave a lot to be desired. If we want to push the IIT education structure in to the same well, then one would really have to doubt whether the hearts and minds of the country are at the right place. Reservations were incorporated to assimilate various sections. Misuse and overuse has resulted in the opposite. It has created sense of identities where we wanted to dissolve those lines of division.

It is very heartening to see the administration stand up to the government in opposing this draconian step. Inspite of all these regressive steps, it is hope that keeps the chins up in the campus. Hope that the government will realize its follies just at the last moment. Hope that the illustrious alumni will convince the authorities of the perils involved. Hope that the students and the faculty will stand together to uphold the sanctity of the institute. Hope that complete autonomy will be decreed and it will unshackle the IITs from the government’s whims.

DOWned Spirits.

The recent issue regarding Dow Chemicals has created sharp divisions in the campus. Actually it would be an exaggeration to say divisions. It has taken shape of a face off between one very small but highly vocal anti-Dow campaigners and the rest of the institute who very unfortunately haven’t bothered to speak up loud enough. I belong to the big group who feel Dow should be allowed in the campus. No, I haven’t sold my soul to the devil. Neither am I a right conservative with no solidarity for the people of Bhopal. But I strongly feel preventing Dow from coming to the campus will be a grossly unfair action and might have unfortunate repercussions.

It all started with the innocuous notice about the proposed presentation regarding placement by Dow. Immediately a host of individuals launched a protest regarding how Dow has a number of liabilities regarding the Bhopal tragedy. It also brought out the fact the huge list of litigations pending against the organization throughout the world. They made a fervent demand for Dow to own up responsibilities for its actions and as an addendum said that it would be a travesty if IIT Madras allowed the company to recruit students for then it would give some semblance of legitimacy to Dow.

A lot of water has passed down the polluted Adyar since then. Petitions have been sent around. Discussions were held and numerous damaging media reports published. I personally spoke to the people involved in this and got a clear picture of the whole issue.

The primary argument is that its time the institute has a screening process for recruiting companies. It should start with Dow with clearly documented evidences of corporate negligence. Then the example should be extended to other companies off ill-repute like Halliburton, Lockheed Martin. Some were even suggesting that Tata Motors and Reliance too shouldn’t be spared.

The route adopted by the protestors had its glaring irregularities. While a coordinated campaign for informing students through films and literature is totally acceptable, there were some steps which the engineering student community found shocking. Let’s start with the signature campaign. A majority of the people who signed the petition were from the humanities department. How much thought the students put behind the signature is questionable. I doubt whether they had conferred with the students whom this petition was going to affect directly. Neither did they make any effort to understand how placement works. They read it, and signed it. An attitude many of us feel extremely irresponsible especially when it was an issue which didn’t concern them directly.

The biggest irony of this skewed and ill-conducted signature campaign was its representation before the media. Students were astonished to find themselves reading on rediff and the Telegraph about the ‘growing consensus’ among students from IIT Madras against Dow. Two IIT alumni hold a press conference in Delhi and implore the institutes to blacklist Dow. They also appreciate the growing support fro the students. In the middle of all this the fact had conveniently disappeared that the campaign was supported by smallest of minorities.

Reflections took it upon itself and organized a panel discussion. The anti-Dow campaign managed to emotionalize the issue brilliantly by bringing in victims from Bhopal and other social activists. The discussion was surprisingly ‘moderated’ by a member of the faculty whose bias against Dow was well known. The whole event was high-jacked by the group with the student representative’s arguments getting sarcastic replies. The whole thing was described as “well rounded discussion” while in actuality it seemed like a discussion on the nuclear treaty moderated by Prakash Karat with the audience comprising acknowledging comrades.

Let’s get to the arguments now. Dow has responsibilities. It’s true. When they bought Union Carbide in 1999 fifteen years after the Bhopal tragedy they did inherent the accompanying legal mess. But the very people who are so virulent against Dow are not seen signing petitions against the highly corruption ridden distribution of the relief funds. They are not seen demonstrating before the Madhya Pradesh government why the whole area hadn’t been cleared up inspite of the Union Carbide campus being in their charge. They didn’t bother to question the out of court settlement the government of India reached with Union Carbide. So why the protest against Dow suddenly? Is it because it’s much easier to send out petitions from the cozy confines of IIT Madras than going to Bhopal and asking the more relevant questions to the right people? And isn’t it easier to attract the media this way cause even if a cow poops in inordinate amounts in IIT, the media will be there to cover it.

Dow is the biggest chemical company in the world. There is hardly any hour when we don’t use an item which might be somehow be related to a Dow innovation. Plastics, paint, Styrofoam and rubber products form a major part of it. If one is that indignant about a company’s practices wouldn’t the logical approach be to boycott its products? But then everyone knows it would make life virtually impossible and we come back to the question of doing what is easy and doing what is right.

Once we ban Dow where does the buck stop? The production of napalm by Dow for the US government during the Vietnam war has been used as yet another example of their destructive practices. Hence we ban all companies and organization which have been associated with the war efforts of their individual countries. The list will read GE, Boeing, Dow, LM and virtually every big company from the US. BP, Shell, Volkswagen, Bayer from Europe. And of course all research institutions including our very own electrical and aerospace departments who have consistently collaborated with the Indian armed forces in developing methods of killing countless poor Pakistani soldiers. Does the irony register?

I have to state that the faculties who have supported this cause have shown poor judgment of the placement process and student sentiments. They have placed the placement team in a huge quandary. This team works throughout the year and spares no effort to get the best and the biggest of multinationals from every corner of the world. It is to the credit of the placement office that we have one of the most well-organized placement sessions in the country. The placement committee and the elected representatives were left stranded after the sudden rush of irresponsible media reports. Dow has already begun to show its reluctance to come to IITM. In view of the total absence of any such protest from most of the IITs and the media scrutiny on IITM, the obvious reaction will be to recruit from the other institutes. Hence inspite of an overwhelming opinion in favor of having Dow in the campus, due to the actions of a very few, our students will most probably miss out on an opportunity to work with the biggest chemical company. The argument that if one is really interested to work for Dow, can apply off campus clearly shows how out of touch the faculty in the HS department is with the career sentiments of the engineering students. They have no inkling of the anxieties through which batches go during the placement week and how the only concern is to get a good job as soon as possible. Applying off campus is an indication that one has been rejected in all the on campus interviews. Which student would like to risk that?

These incidents are terrible PR gaffes. They act like prior warnings to other MNCs who would rather stay away from IITM and avoid probable embarrassment. The only one losing out are our students. Dow is setting up a 100 million dollar R&D facility near Pune. If it doesn’t get researchers for that lab from IITM, it will take them from somewhere else. The Indian government who is supposed to fight for Bhopal is going out of its way to ensure Dow invests millions in India. The company is willing to invest millions in research among the cash strapped labs of India. How aware are the people who are protesting of the current state of research in the country. Do they keep track of the abysmal funding and conditions under which our PhDs and professors strive to produce quality work?

Finally this is what it all boils down to. The campus agrees that informing students about a company and its activities is a fair idea. What is not agreed to by a huge majority is the following.

• Petitions led by departments who do not have the real stake in the issue.
• An extremely unfair representation before national media about campus mood.
• Ignorance about placements procedures and student sentiments but interfering in the whole process.
• Lack of consultation with elected student representatives and jeopardizing their year long efforts.
• And the biggest one of them all is judging students from the perspective of their moral high ground.

I was clearly told that the whole thing has come down to whether we choose to show solidarity with the victims from Bhopal or we place our careers above it. Please do not skew the issue by passing such impossible judgments. We are students of science and we keep things in perspective of reality. We know banning Dow from the campus is not going to get any extra relief for the victims. It won’t change anything. We also know that showing true solidarity is not sitting in one’s comfort zone and picking on things which are easy to pick on. Never should one dare doubt our feelings for our countrymen. There are these elements from outside the campus who take this purported moral high ground and mock us for our ‘blind lust after a pay cheque’. I request such negative people to stay on the other side of the main gate. Instead of pontificating before us, please do some actual work which will improve the lives of the affected. And also stop exploiting their miseries.

This is nothing but a throwback to the sixties and seventies where anything associated with the west is evil. The desire for success is considered unnatural. Eyebrows are raised when students vie for the best jobs. Aspiration for a better lifestyle is translated to selfishness and disregard for the fellow being. I would like to request these people to see the real world around them which has drastically changed. We aspire to better our lives. And that means a better India for the future. The world has finally opened its doors to India. We will not miss this opportunity at any cost. And no number of petitions can change that fact.

Waltzing with Death: The Brilliance of Pervez

Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount- Winston Churchill

History is replete with examples of ordinary men heroically leading their people in extraordinary times. And extraordinary men falling prey to their vanity when their country needed them the most. It’s too early to say to which group General Pervez Musharaff will be consigned to in the pages of history. But the man has definitely been the pivot around which the events of the twenty-first century have unfolded. This article will make an attempt to review the actions and motives of this enigma who has continued to astound the world not just by staying alive but maintaining a vice like grip on one of the most turbulent nations in modern times.

When Musharaff took over power in 99, not many were surprised. Military coups are but a periodic phenomenon in Pakistan. Exiling Nawaz Sharif followed the bloodless coup hence by ensuring no further opposition to military rule. And then came 9/11. Richard Armitage, the Deputy Secretary of State of the United States government landed in Islamabad and met the general. He had a simple message for him. If Pakistan didn’t cooperate with America then they would be bombed back to the Stone Age. Those were Armitage’s exact words. And Musharaff took the biggest decision of his life. Turning his back on the Taliban. For the last ten years the Taliban and to a huge extent the Al Qaeda had been mollycoddled by the Pakistani secret services leading to their huge influence and power. This abrupt u-turn by musharaff was the biggest shock to the fundamentalists. Those of you who are aware the customs of the Pashtuns will know that there is no greater sin than disloyalty. Loyalty to one’s tribe and people is the only guiding principle in the otherwise lawless ravines of the Hindu Kush.

Musharaff signed his death warrant that day itself when he agreed to play host to the US army’s maneuvers before the final onslaught on Afghanistan. But he did exact his pound of flesh. Musharaff has always proved to be a better businessman than a general. After all the Kargil fiasco was his brainchild. He got billions of dollars of aid in return for becoming a frontline ally in the war against terror. He gambled that an improved economy might divert the nation’s attention away from his duplicitous foreign policy. And this did work wonderfully well till around 2005. And then things started falling apart.

Americans, true to their nature always ensure that their investments show a high degree of return. They coerced the general into making peace with India. He was forced to pull the plug on organizations like the Lashkar-e-Tayabba and Jamaat Ul Dawa. This second betrayal strengthened the resolve of the fundamentalists further. They were extremely incensed for they felt that the general had been using them for his own needs all this while and had discarded them when the purpose was over. It was at this point that Al Qaeda and Ayman Al Zawahiri in particular made it their top priority to get rid of Musharaff. This resolve was evident in the periodic release of the al Qaeda propaganda CDs. Interestingly Musharaff has been able to something that America had failed to do all this while. Create divisions in the Al Qaeda. Many in the organization felt that challenging Musharaff would be a diversion from the primary aim of engaging the Americans. That Musharaff had enough capability to make Al Qaeda presence in Pakistan difficult was well known. Hence reports do mention of a widening chasm between the Libyan and the Arab factions of the Al Qaeda with the former wanting to leave Musharaff alone.

India never had a very amicable relationship with General Musharaff. The disastrous Agra conference was the result of the clash of egos on the either side. But the Indian establishment was quick to realize that musharaff was their best bet. With him gone, Pakistan would be at the mercy of nuclear weapons wielding fundamentalists. The worst possible nightmare. Prime Minister Vajpayee was so concerned about the general’s safety that a couple of assassination attempts were avoided due to the timely tips from RAW to the ISI. For Musharaff the peace process had a downside. In the past the Pakistani leadership in their attempt to hide their incompetence would blame all ills on India. But in this atmosphere of goodwill that escape route had shuts its door on him.

The inception of the peace process with India, the slow and steady crackdown on the terror apparatus and a growing economy kept the general in the good books of the international community who were more than happy to turn a blind eye to his total disinterest in laying down his uniform or his rigging of elections. But the internal turmoil had begun to get out of hand. The unrest at Balochistan was handled terribly by the military junta resulting in a prolonged low intensity conflict which threatened to escalate into a full blown civil war. The troubles in Balochistan were nothing compared to the ones the government faced in Waziristan province. Situated in the lawless tribal lands in the north-west, Waziristan had become a hotbed of militant activity. From sheltering the higher-ups of Al Qaeda to hosting foreign militants from all over the Muslim world, Waziristan had become the biggest thorn in Pakistan’s relation with the Americans. In face of growing accusations of non-cooperation the general was forced to send in forces only to withdraw later with a humiliating ceasefire agreement with the tribal leaders.

The virtual granting of independence to Waziristan was among the first signals of the unraveling of Musharaff’s power. Of course by then the assassination attempts on him had begun. A series of close shaves later, the general decided to take some punitive action against the home grown terrorists. While arrests had been going on since 9/11, the attempts on his life spurred the security apparatus into action. Finally the Pakistan government was seen serious about the promises it had been making for quite some time.

2007 saw a major turn in his fortunes. And it came from the most unexpected of quarters. The judiciary had always played second fiddle to the leadership. Chief justice Iftikar Chowdhury who before 2007 had a very unremarkable career suddenly showed traits of judicial activism. Most of them were directed against Musharaff’s policies. Anticipating complications during his re-election bid he asked the chief justice to fall in line or to step down. The chief justice declined to do either. This standing up to the president enthused the anti-Musharaff groups like never before. Justice Chowdhury became the rallying point for all the anti-government protestors. Yet again the junta showed poor judgement. They tried to divert the nation’s attention and suppress the growing popularity of he protests by creating the Lal Masjid crises. Creating wouldn’t be a fair thing to say actually. Discontent had been simmering in Islamabad for quite some time with the Lal Masjid playing the mascot for the fundamentalists. But it wasn’t a situation which couldn’t be controlled. But Musharaff had begun to show signs of desperation. The Iftikar Chowdhury protests had grown out of control after some deadly rioting in Karachi. Lal Masjid offered the only possible diversion. As a result a week long drama played out before television crews. Musharaff came out as the leader who played tough with terrorist. When Abdul Rashid Ghazi, the militant Imam, wanted to surrender according to the terms presented, by an interesting coincidence his cell phones were found jammed. The ambush followed and scores were killed.

But this just worsened matters. The fundamentalists reaffirmed their faith in destroying the general. Another attempt on his life followed. The battle on the chief justice front too failed. Musharaff was forced to reinstate him hence by showing how much his power had declined. Like vultures over a caracass, Benazir Bhutto and Nawaz Sharif declared their intent of returning to their home country. The stage was set for the final overthrow.

Musharaff, a commando by training, has stunned the world by his ability to come out of intractable situations. The world waits with bated breath to see whether he has saved his best for the last. The Americans have finally had enough of him. They desperately want a seamless transfer of power to a democratic government. The usual suspects in a general election have started gathering forces. The fundamentalists are still planning their assassination attempts. Musharaff always has the honourable exit option. America will ensure his safety in case he chooses that option. But will he?

A man who has been guided by his huge ego and strong survival instincts finally seems to have reached the end of the road. Very few will disagree that he was the best possible leader Pakistan could have who could have extracted them so brilliantly from a post 9/11 morass. His strong leadership saved the day for Pakistan. But like all dictators he has ultimately become a victim to his own vanity. The next few months will show whether he chooses head over heart and takes a quiet exit hence by avoiding the unfortunate fates of his predecessors. Or does he have a last trick up his sleeve?

* This article was my contribution to FC September, 2007.

OPENING THE DOORS OF PERCEPTION.

“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things through' narrow chinks of his cavern.” – William Blake.

The future, they say, cannot be predicted. It has never been. Never will be. I started my schooling in the year 1989. The last 17 years of education I received is supposed to be in preparation for my career which will roughly last between 2010 and 2060. In short, I have been preparing for a future without any idea what challenges it holds for me and for the human race. Isn’t it surprising?

The current education system in India as well as throughout the world is rooted in a nineteenth century mindset. The whole approach was such so as to meet the steady demands of industrialization. No wonder topics like mathematics and science are right at the top of the subject hierarchy. And dance and drama right at the bottom. And this trend continues even today. Especially so in India, where the insatiable hunger for manpower from the services sector results in the churning out of thousands of engineers and IT professionals. Among these thousands are quite a few brilliant dancers and actors and artists whose natural urges of creativity have been stymied by the narrow minded perceptions of their elders and society.

If we continue on this path, we stand to lose an unimaginable amount of human capital. More people are graduating now than ever before in the history of the human race. Academic inflation is rampant. Suddenly degrees have become worthless. It’s high time we move away from the present system of education as evidently it is not suited to the needs of the twenty-first century. Now we must value creativity at par with literacy. The current system is such that the worst thing one can do is to make a mistake. But how can one dare to dream and try something new if the constant fear of being wrong lurks round every corner. Children have an extra-ordinary capacity to be inventive. We adults have lost that capacity. Right now we are educating people out of creativity rather than it being the other way round. The current system rewards one’s academic ability. In that case, the superlative human would be a university professor. But we know that’s not the case.

We have to stop equating intelligence to academic ability. There are innumerable cases where brilliant and highly talented people think they are not so. That’s because what they are good at is not valued by their schools and teachers. We need to reconstitute our view of education which should be based on harnessing the immense human ability which surrounds us. We need to incorporate the fact that intelligence is diverse, dynamic and distinct. The current system mines our mind for something very specific. This method will not work for the future.

Let us create a new concept of human ecology which celebrates human imagination. Let’s work towards a system where a child can dance and sing if he wants to. Instead of suppressing his natural talents lets educate his whole being. Let’s open their doors of perception. And then as Blake mentioned, the possibilities are infinite.

“Every child is born an artist. But very few remain one as they grow.”- Picasso.

* I am thankful to Sir Ken Robinson’s TED Talk for giving a proper shape and direction to this train of thought.

AND THE SPIRIT LIVES ON……….

One of my friends forwarded me this messages just days after the carnage in Mumbai.

I found it mighty interesting. It is reproduced here below.

Dear Terrorist,

Even if you are not reading this we don't care. Time and again you tried to disturb us and disrupt our life - killing innocent civilians by planting bombs in trains, buses and cars. You have tried hard to bring death and destruction, cause panic and fear and create communal disharmony but every time you were disgustingly unsuccessful. Do you know how we pass our life in Mumbai? How much it takes for us to earn that single rupee? If you wanted to give us a shock then we are sorry to say that you failed miserably in your ulterior motives. Better look elsewhere, not here.

We are not Hindus and Muslims or Gujaratis and Marathis or Punjabis and Bengali’s. Nor do we distinguish ourselves as owners or workers, govt.
employees or private employees. WE ARE MUMBAIKERS (Bombay-ites, if you like). We will not allow you to disrupt our life like this. On the last few occasions when you struck (including the 7 deadly blasts in a single day killing over 250 people and injuring 500+ in 1993), we went to work next day in full strength. This time we cleared everything within a few hours and were back to normal - the vendors placing their next order, businessmen finalizing the next deals and the office workers rushing to catch the next train. (Yes the same train you targeted)

Fathom this: Within 3 hours of the blasts, long queues of blood donating volunteers were seen outside various hospitals, where most of the injured were admitted. By 12 midnight, the hospital had to issue a notification that blood banks were full and they didn't require any more blood. The next day, attendance at schools and office was close to 100%, trains & buses were packed to the brim, and the crowds were back.
The city has simply dusted itself off and moved one - perhaps with greater vigor.

We are Mumbaikers and we live like brothers in times like this. So, do not dare to threaten us with your crackers. The spirit of Mumbai is very strong and can not be harmed.

Please forward this to others. U never know, by chance it may come to hands of a terrorist in Afghanistan, Pakistan or Iraq and he can then read this message which is specially meant for him!!!

With Love,
from the people of Mumbai (Bombay)

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, I now announce before the world, that India has developed the most exceptional counter terrorism weapon ever devised in human history. It’s called….the SPIRIT!!! In development in the clandestine labs hidden in the labyrinthine Mumbai suburbs for the last thirteen years, SPIRIT 6.0 was finally unveiled in the wake of the 7/11 attacks. The scientists of the elite SIRDO (Social Indifference Research and Development Organization) proudly declared a completely successful launch. There were the usual initial glitches when the people were helping the wounded and asking uncomfortable questions regarding public safety (imagine the gall!!!). But soon things were back to ordinary and when the city returned to normalcy in a few hours, the operation was declared an unqualified success. Before going any further let’s delve into the history behind the making of the SPIRIT. It all began in the year 1993 when Dawood Ibrahim showed his displeasure about the way a few Mumbai buildings are designed by well…… blowing them up. Unfortunately his henchmen made a mess of the timer thing (the old AM\PM muddle) and around three hundred people had to pay the price. The whole incident was immediately declared a “terrorist attack”. Poor Dawood! You just can’t express your opinion in Mumbai anymore, can you! The Indian government promised to deal with the menace with a “firm” hand. A hand which proved so firm over the times that it’s been rendered immovable hence not achieving anything substantial. But wait. Before jumping the gun and blaming the government of inaction read this. In the days that followed the supreme decision making body on the nation’s security C-CIP (Cabinet Committee on Insecurity and Procrastination) debated vociferously and sometimes violently (ask jaipal reddy if you don’t believe me) on what course to take. Finally they decided upon to a plan the result of which we have today SPIRIT 6.0.

The elder statesmen of the country came to the conclusion that to blunt these terrorists, the only way was to toughen the MORALE of the people. And toughen it so much that the severest of attacks would trouble the general populace as much as a fly in the proverbial ointment. The aim was to make the public completely apathetic and unmoved to the threats the country might be facing. Internal or external. And have they succeeded!!

After losing two hundred of its people Mumbai resumes work the next day as if absolutely nothing has happened. And here’s the best part. The sensex actually rises a hundred points!!! Oh! But a few more blasts and I can break even on those blasted HMT stocks I bought last month. Compare the situation with 9/11 (yup these militants have a thing for 11) the NASDAQ remained closed for almost 4 days if I remember correctly and when it did reopen the points took a huge plunge before you could say “Ketan Parikh”.

Shame! The patriots scream. How dare you compare those jaundiced New Yorkers to our sanguine Mumbaikers! Some nerve!! Mumbai is a great city. The financial capital of India! The Sydney of the north. The Shanghai of the west. But as things are turning out, I feel it will soon be Kabul of the south or Baghdad of the east. My not so sincere apologies to all of them.

SPIRIT 6.0 wasn’t achieved overnight. It required a lot of revisions, upgrading, amendments and subtle adjustments. The aftermath of 1993 saw the launch of SPIRIT 1.0. Gradually as more attacks took place the next versions were released. The effects were for all to see. The public stopped asking questions regarding their own security. No queries were made regarding the perpetrators of past strikes. Blasts and shootouts became as common in the Indian bazaars as vegetables and adulterated kerosene. A few of us had the temerity to ask, “What’s the government doing about all this?” Stoically the government replies, “We cannot allow this to happen” with a few usual phrases like “no stone will be left unturned” thrown in for good measure. In the meantime they pledge that nothing will affect the “Peace Process” for that would mean playing into the hands of the terrorists.

“Peace Process”. How long will this carrot be dangled before us? Where’s the f@$%ing peace!! Here you have a country waging a proxy war against us for the last twenty five years and we are still trying to talk peace. This peace will leave our country in pieces one day. And that day we will have finally played into their hands. Frankly speaking, I feel something is terribly wrong with us and our country. We have lost our voice. We don’t know how to fight back anymore. The anger pent up within is affecting both the society and us personally at various levels. The frustration is let out during those all too frequent riots. And we end up hurting ourselves more.

Wait a minute!!!

What’s all this voicing of self-angst and resentment doing here??

We are here to praise the government’s “efforts”. Not to censure them!! Its time for unity.

Lets not “play into the hands of the enemy” by raising prickly topics. That wouldn’t be a clever thing to do. And of course, one never knows when his blog gets banned because the Department of Tele (mis)communications (the new vanguard of internal security) feels it is speaking too much of the truth. Oops!

So let’s sing paeans of the astonishing SPIRIT shown by our Mumbaikers. Let’s congratulate them that they could nonchalantly resume their work the following day as if nothing had happened. Lets forget how none of them asked, or ranted on the streets so often as they normally do about other trivial issues (some statue fiasco), about why the life of an Indian is so cheap? Why an 18 year old will have to stay crippled for the rest of his life just because he was on the wrong train? Why we lose our people again and again and yet we are unable to hit back? We have all forgotten how to ask “why?” But then do we need the answers in the first place? After all we do have the SPIRIT. We will surely tide over this too as we have done over the past occasions. Are we to behave like those timid Israelis who bomb countries (they do things in style don’t they?) just because a couple of their soldiers been kidnapped? Or like those paranoid Americans who spies on anybody and everybody and detains people like we collect stamps. No. we are not like them.

But then maybe an Israeli or an American life is worth more than that of an Indian. We Indians might pooh-pooh the American style of confronting their problems but it is true that after 9\11 there hasn’t been a single strike on American soil. Osama might rant and rail from his caves but he too knows that he will need one hell of a plan to repeat a 9/11.

Comparing Hezbollah and the LET (Lashkar-E-Toyabba) is like comparing Tendulkar to Lee-Huan (You might not have heard of him. He is China’s top batsman.) Yet we have never managed so much as to even throw a stone at any LET camps. But of course, lest I forget, we have a “Peace Process” to take care of. What credibility would our great nation have if it tried to defend itself by hitting extremist camps in POK? We could then risk losing the tag of “a responsible nuclear nation who shows restraint amid extreme provocation”. Name me one country which could claim to hold such an esteemed position on the world stage.

Let’s not be too one-sided in the matter. Of course the government has a very effective and time-tested way to handle all such matters when the security of the realm is at stake.

It’s called the MACFOO (Make A Complete Fool Of Ourselves) Strategic Plan. It has a rigid framework working within the following guidelines.

1. C-CIP meets to “review” the situation (read having snacks and tea while watching the latest updates on the event on TV) hence by delaying where immediate action is called for. Ex: Hijacked plane in Amritsar fiasco.

2. All and sundry condemn the attack in the strongest terms. (A routine procedure. The number of deaths determines how strong the condemnation is. This scale of condemnation will remain a mystery forever.)

3. The “Foreign” hand. This is proclaimed on national TV before any form of investigation is launched. Actually there is always a scramble among cabinet ministers regarding who gets to say it first. Once an over-excited minister declared it even before the strike took place! Ok just kidding.

4. “Hundreds” rounded up. How? Why? What happens to them later? Did it help? We never get these answers.

5. A week later a few arrests are made! The concerned men’s faces are covered as they are brought to court. Why? Do they have a reputation to take care of? Why do they cover the faces!!! Well maybe they are some not that good looking to be caught on camera.

6. A couple of years later all are freed due to “lack of evidence”. Ex: The Red Fort case.

A follow up question regarding this. Sir, did u look for the evidence in the first place?

7. Of course I missed out on the mandatory encounter when one of the guys was caught “trying to escape” and hence gunned down. Come on people, you have overplayed this “trying to escape” routine. Think some new ones. “He was eating too many parathas” could be a good reason for a change.

8. Back to square one. Wait for the next set of blasts. Repeat the whole routine. And of course launch the next version of…..SPIRIT.

Insider sources reveal that Strategic Plan MACFOO was the brain child of an enterprising minister who somehow was extremely impressed by the FOR-NEXT routine in the C language. (Non computer geeks try not to make much sense of that. I have to cater to the wishes of my readers u see. Namely me.)

In the case of extraordinary situations like the parliament attack (now that’s one plan which I wish had been successful) the administration moves a few army battalions from a few places and puts them elsewhere. This Age Of Empire style tactics is employed in the fervent hope that the public will think something is being done. And it does too. So you see, the government does something after all. A few critics still remain. They still doubt the great mandarins in the north and south blocks. They ask,

Wait a minute.

Hasn’t this been our policy for at least the last fifteen years now?

Surely not!

Come on, we have the third largest army.

The fourth largest air force.

The fifth largest navy.

Oh yes, we happen to be a nuclear power too with an estimated 200 nuclear warheads ready to deploy at a moments notice.

Not to mention an imaginatively named intelligence agency which is considered one of the most secretive in the world.

And yet….. We can’t defend our people!!

Come on you morons!!! Haven’t you guessed why we have such impressive armed forces and weaponry? Really your IQ seems to be in the single digits. The reason is to give Doordarshan that one day in the year when it can boast of the highest TRP ratings. Yes folks. All that defense expenditure is just to have a great parade on 26^th January. The whole world’s watching you know. And of course it’s a great source of employment among other minor reasons.

So that’s it people. Yet again we proved how great a nation we are. Perhaps the only one who defends its citizens with a metaphysical shield called the …. SPIRIT. If this doesn’t get us a permanent seat in the Security Council nothing will. Kofi Annan please take note.

PS: I have a little query for my dear government. A couple of days following 7/11 I took the local train in Chennai (just for kicks) to see what steps the police have taken in wake of the recent catastrophe. In Guindy R.S there was just one constable who was drinking tea in one corner reading a paper whose headlines screamed, “Nation on High Alert”. The situation begged the question. Which nation did you mean exactly? Or maybe the militants don’t know there’s a metro called Chennai. Maybe soon they will. Maybe soon you will too.

FROM AUSWITSCH TO KIGALI……….

Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you

This semester has been a great one. No, I am not talking about my grades. I refer to the wonderful thing called cinema. Among all of them the two which stood out the most were Schindler’s List and Hotel Rwanda. Both very similar stories, in similar settings with the same message. Both stories of a single individual. Story of one man’s sanity versus the madness of the rest. But there is one thing which is different. A factor which brings out a very appalling and unsettling truth. A truth which should put all those people who claim to be civilized and developed to shame.

Oscar Schindler was a businessman to the boot, his interests always lay in making money. Political conditions in Europe and especially in Germany made him realize that humoring the Nazis was the only way he could conduct his affairs in a peaceful manner. Hence he joined the Nazi party, but never joined issues with them. He bribed the top leaders and befriended the top generals but just for economic profit. The Nazis came in to believing that he was one of their own and gave him all the licenses and permissions he wanted. Oscar ended up setting up a factory producing armaments for the German army. And here is where his story takes a turn.

The “final solution” for the Jews of Europe was being executed with a spine-chilling efficiency. In the most organized form of ethnic cleansing the world had ever seen, the Nazis rounded up all the Jews in Germany and the occupied territories of Poland Austria and the likes. After usurping all their property most of them were herded together in concentration camps where the fit were made to do manual labor and the rest were killed. These events have been very well documented. We need not get into the details. Schindler showed the world how human compassion and will power can overcome any obstacle however impossible it may seem. He could not watch the Jews being butchered before his own eyes. He used all his resources and ensured that the maximum number of Jews possible worked in his facility. Using incredible guile and taking unfathomable personal risks he managed to save over three thousand Jews. In the movie, Liam Neeson who played Schindler weeps in the end and says how he could have saved more lives if only he had tried harder. It was a touching scene about a man who realizes what the value of human life actually is and how it takes little on behalf of some people to make a huge difference in the lives of others. The movie is no doubt a brilliant one. It has brought the sense of helplessness prevalent among the Jews. The nonchalant and clinical manner in which Amon Goethe killed his prisoners showed how man can sink to the lowest limits of depravity. War brings out the worst in men but sometimes also the best. Though Schindler’s future business were never very successful and his no hold barred payments to keep the service of Jews made him incur huge losses, he didn’t stop for a moment to reflect whether he happened to gain from anything. This is without doubt the best form of humanism.

Now let’s come to Paul Rusesabagina. Paul, a Hutu, the ruling tribe in Rwanda in 1994, worked in a Belgian hotel in Kigali, as its house manager. A complete European in style and attire he had begun to believe that he was one of them. Expensive liquor and Havana cigars enabled him to be to be in the good books of the local generals and militia leaders. His wife Tatiana happened to be a Tutsi though. Political instability resulted in a sudden surge in mass killings. It seemed Rwanda had lost her mind. Tutsis were dragged out and butchered by the thousands. Paul knew that whatever happened the United Nations would eventually bring things under control. And of course his European friends would surely not desert him. But alas, his naivety never made him realize that the white west had very little concern for what was happening in a small central African nation. By the time he realized that all his beliefs and trust was nothing but a cruel joke, his world began crashing like a pack of cards. But he didn’t run. He didn’t try to hide. He didn’t try and escape leaving his people and family behind. He becomes conscious of the fact that the hotel was the safest place in Kigali. He convinced the U.N commander to keep at least four guards at the gate. And his hotel ended up housing more than a thousand Tutsi and Hutu refugees.

A story very similar to that of Schindler. So what’s the difference? The Jewish holocaust is regarded as the worst ever case of human genocide in modern history. The Second World War is heralded in history books as a classic case of the victory of good over evil. The world awoke to the atrocities of the Nazis and joined forces to defeat it. So far so good. But the million dollar question is where did this solidarity and concern go in wake of the Rwandan crises. So is this often trumpeted stance of the western countries of zero tolerance for gross human genocide nothing but petty propaganda. Are the clauses for foreign intervention only to be followed exclusively for a few countries which incidentally also may happen to possess some oil fields waiting to be harnessed? The holocaust is still remembered widely and every year the Jews remind themselves of what their fathers had to go through. How come there is no remembrance for the million killed in Rwanda just eleven years ago? Why such a step-motherly treatment? Even this would be an over-statement. The greatest tragedy is that it was not one or two of the most powerful nations which neglected their responsibility. The whole world seemed to have turned its head away. Then is it true that Africans are considered sub-human. Not worth our help or money. Are they dirt? Worthless? The scary thing is that yesterday it was Rwanda. Tomorrow it might be some other country. The fact that barring a few international non-government organizations everyone deserted the Rwandans is difficult to grasp. Has the world been totally drained of all compassion and sympathy? Is it just greed and self-interests which drive world policies today? And what about the holier than thou world press which doesn’t leave a stone unturned to showcase selective cases of human rights abuse as instructed by their masters behind the curtain. Did Rwanda ever happen for them?

The world needs to realize that this type of discriminatory form of support will give rise to devils which will grow so colossal one day that it shall incinerate the whole world. The powers that be take Africa to be the great playing field. On one hand they supply arms to the various rebel and government armies and fuel long and bitter hostilities and on the other hand feign to be working towards a peaceful settlement. Osama bin laden was trained by the CIA. How many more Ladens do they intend to create? How many Africans need to die to make them realize their duty? The west must realize that for the future of the human race to be secure they cannot afford to leave anyone out from the road to prosperity. The mistakes they commit now will come back to haunt them in the future and they will so over-whelming that not even the biggest of weapons or money can save them. They need to take in Africa and all those countries ruined by strife and self-serving dictators under their wings. As Paul Rusesabagina said,” there’s always room”